It Was All So Simple Then

It Was All So Simple Then: Advice from a 70s Mum

When I became a mother at 17, way back in 1973, I didn’t have a book (or books) to tell me what to do. I didn’t have the Internet or Google. I had my Mum and the child health clinic nurse. I didn’t have a mother’s group, in fact I didn’t have any close friends with babies. My Mum worked, my mother-in-law lived quite a few suburbs away and we only had one car which hubby took to work.

So I learned this mother gig on the run, so to speak. It probably helped that my first baby was very placid, slept well and was generally a happy baby.

I did my best at breastfeeding but ended up with mastitis so bad that I was delirious with fever and needed a week of penicillin injections. Not a pleasant experience and after about 6 weeks, I moved my baby to a bottle. I never had any guilt associated with this, it was what the doctor told me to do and I if I kept getting sick then that was not the best thing for me or my daughter. Part of the reason I kept getting mastitis was that she took over an hour to feed, she didn’t have a good strong suck and even when moved to a bottle she still took ages to feed – even with the biggest hole in the teat.

Sometimes she got nappy rash, sometimes I let her cry to sleep, occasionally if I was really tired I would let her sleep with me in bed. Well truth be told, I would fall asleep with her in my arms while feeding her because she took so long.

She was my priority and so if the house was not dusted or vacuumed every week, I didn’t care. If her toys were on the floor, so what. If I felt like we needed fresh air, we went for a walk. If I felt she needed to play, we played. All the things I did, I did with her in mind. The washing was always done, her nappy regularly changed, she was bathed every day, sometimes twice a day. She was always feed and clothed how I thought she should be. I worked out what worked for us and that is what I stuck to, adjusting as she grew.

If we went out, she came with us, to noisy pubs to listen to bands during Sunday sessions. She slept through them all. Yes, there was smoke as well, don’t forget this was the 70s and most people smoked.

Money was tight, but we managed. There was no maternity leave; you resigned when you had a baby. That wasn’t to say you couldn’t go back to work, but there was very little in the way of child care back then.

I had never lived away from home until I got married and had my daughter three months later. I had never really cooked, cleaned, washed or lived with anyone except my parents and brother. I should have been stressed but I wasn’t, motherhood seemed to be what I was born to do. Being a wife on the other hand at that young age, maybe not so much. But still life seemed so much easier then. There was no pressure to be perfect, to juggle career and motherhood, to live up to society’s expectations.

Even when I had the rest of my children, four in total, my children’s needs were put first. We never had a lot of money, so most things were done at home. We improvised and made cubbies out of sheets, who could afford a cubby house? We would hire videos, have homemade popcorn and cordial, throw beanbags on the floor and watch them together … who needed to go the movies? The girls played netball, my son T-ball – one sport per gender … there was no money to drive everyone everywhere, beside who had the time?

I didn’t feel that I had to be the “BEST” Mum, just doing my best was enough. Putting my kids first by loving them and always looking out for their welfare – that was what being a Mum was all about.

If was to give any advice to new mothers today – it would be to relax, throw away the books, do what is right for you – it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

If being a working mother is what you need to do to be the best mother you can, then go for it.

If you have to return to work to support the family (like I did after baby no. 4) then don’t beat yourself up about it – you are doing it for your family and what greater motivation can there be then that?

If you choose to be a stay at home mother – then embrace that, don’t second-guess how life would be different if you had made another choice.

It doesn’t matter what it says in any book – your child will be different. Do what is right for you and your baby and family.

If co-sleeping works for you then do it – you don’t have to justify it to anyone.

If you want to breastfeed your baby to sleep – then go for it.

If breastfeeding doesn’t work for you, then that’s okay too – you have to feel comfortable and relaxed.

Your child does not need to swim, dance, play three different sports, do gymnastics, modeling, drama, etc, etc to have the best childhood. Choose one and try it out for a term, if they don’t love that then try something else … you don’t have to do it all, especially not all at once.

I worry today, that by trying to be all and give all (in the material sense), today’s parents may in fact be doing their children a disservice in the long run. That all this is teaching them is that if they don’t have it all they are somehow failing.

So choose to take the simpler path, step off the fast paced highway that this world has turned parenting into … I am sure that both you and your child will benefit.

And above all, be kind to yourself – we are, after all, our own greatest critics.

I asked my Mum to write this post as a reflection on how she sees parenting is different now to how it was just a generation ago. Thank you, Mum. Read more of my Mum’s musings on her own blog, Menopausal Mumma.

32 Comments

  1. What fantastic advice. I am going to pass this on to everybody I know, wonderful words of wisdom 🙂

  2. All of that is brilliant advice. She sounds like my Mum, who has brought me back down on the many occasions I have become overwhelmed or guilty or worried. She says the same things – throw away the books, go with your gut feeling. And it's funny how my daughter and I are both much happier when we just relax and go with whatever happens.

  3. I really enjoyed that post. Your mum is so right! Thank you posting it.

  4. kraftykathryn says:

    How good was that to read! Very good advice too. I am today in a similar situation where I choose to stay home with my boys, even though it's a struggle financially, I know it's right for me and my boys. I couldn't breastfeed my boys long, and it didn't do them any harm at all – they are all happy and healthy.
    I love being a Mum and it's true – baby's and kids don't follow books! I'm also not fussed about having a clean floor – so what if there are toys all over the place? Doesn't that show they are enjoying themselves? 🙂

  5. Brilliant brilliant brilliant post! Sending link to all mum freinds!!!

  6. Aspiring Mum says:

    It's great to hear from someone who has 'been there and done that'. We do worry too much, and often forget to take the simpler road.

    Thanks so much for sharing this encouraging post.

  7. This is so so beautiful! I've recently blogged about the Vintage Motherhood Value and a lot of this echoes my own thinking. Society expects us to juggle EVERYTHING! I agree… relax and DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! Loved reading this. I just wish I would have started this blog before my mother died so she could have shared some of the same.

  8. I knew my daughter could write well but the way she hss described motherhood is fantastic and highlights the difference between now and then.
    She and her brother were born back in the mid-1950s so imagine what it was like then. I had no car so walked everywhere…to the clinic, to do the shopping (baby in pram. toddler on pram seat, shopping spread out around the pram). It was a beautiful cane pram so plenty of room for all.
    I also played everything by ear and I had had nothing very much to do with babies during my young life. My clinic sisters were good and so was my doctor but….my first child game me experience so that hopefully I managed better with the second one…not sure about that.
    I just want to say thanks to my daughter for the words of widsom contained in her story. She may not have already done things the right way but….she was indeed a wonderful mum and looked after my grandchildren like a mother hen.

  9. Thanks for sharing that Karen, loved reading it.

  10. Great post…it echos exactly the way I was brought up (born in 1969) and the way I am trying to bring my children up.

  11. Joyful Learner says:

    Love this post! Truly, words from the wise!

  12. Farmers Wifey says:

    What a perfect perfect post from a wonderful mother. Timely good advice.

  13. Amber, The Unlikely Mama says:

    Oh, just what I needed to hear today. I've been so caught up doing things "right" that I've missed time just being because of it. While I still love to read parenting blogs and books, I need to stop getting so caught up in ideals and just go with my gut…and heart 🙂

  14. Larabelle says:

    Wise words indeed. These days it's common to feel like we need to follow a book or manual, but that's just someone else's idea about how to parent. It's such a personal journey, and we should all be free to follow our instincts, trust ourselves and do it 'our way'.

  15. Christie, thanks so much for sharing this. I often feel so alone in my quest to simplify our lives, especially here in Los Angeles. But your mum's words really hit home for me & reminded me that I'm doing what's best for my family.

  16. Wanderlust says:

    MM, always a joy to read. We are a bid of the odd ones out in that our kids are not signed up for all the different sports/activities. I prefer not to have them gone all the time, but would rather them run around outside and explore.

  17. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  18. I love this…sounds so much like my mum too! Thanks for this lovely post!

  19. I love this post, such important and sensible advice. Thank you for sharing your Mum with us 🙂

  20. joyce:waddleeahchaa@waddleeahchaa.com says:

    I loved this post too. If you feel comfortable and unstressed your children will feel comfortable and unstressed too. We are all so busy trying to get somewhere we forget to be present in the moment. Hug your children, play a game with them or read a book with them sitting in your lap.

  21. What a wonderful post – so wise is your mum Christie 🙂

    I like your mum's advice – just follow our instinct and do what works for us as Mums.

    Oh, and I love, love, love the photos!

    x

  22. And I just realised your grandmother is commenting here too! You are so lucky Christie to have such beautiful women in your family. Three generations on the one blog post – good stuff!
    x

  23. Raising a Happy Child says:

    I enjoyed reading this. It's hard sometimes not to lose perspective in the avalanche of the "latest and greatest". It's also amazing to see how much things changed in the last 40 years – my mom's experience is incredibly different from mine 🙂

  24. Erin @ Letter Soup says:

    I love this post! Such great reminders. Thank you!

  25. Great post, especially love the bit about do what is right for you, whether that is work or stay at home or whatever.

  26. Thankyou so much for such a article….

  27. I loved every word of this. I wonder what we’ll be saying ourselves in 30 years about raising little ones? Thanks for sharing your Mum with us! 🙂

  28. Words of the wise!!
    Thank you for passing on words of wisdom from someone who has been there before. Brilliant!!
    Such things are so often lost in today’s fragmented and disjointed families…

  29. I really enjoyed reading your blog post, such wise inspirational words. Sometimes it’s nice to get a reminder that you can only do the best you can and the kids will turn out just fine!

  30. Margaret Elvis says:

    Thanks for sharing this with your readers Christie….it is an eye opener to the mums of today who are under so much pressure to have this, to do that etc. etc. Your mum and I just learned as we went along and I think most of our children turned out pretty darned well. xx

  31. Hey, how utterly wonderful to read this post!. There must be something in the air about the previous generation of motherhood. I too wrote a post, inspired after walking past a young mother sitting in her car, outside a daycare centre at 6.15am, thumping her head on the steering wheel. I guess she had a harrowing morning, but I could feel her pain.
    I had to laugh about the baby on the tummy, as a young mum I was given strict warnings at the hospital that if your baby sleeps on its back, it will die!! I remember panicking when he first rolled over onto his back.
    When my first husband and I split up, the 4 kids enjoyed poverty for the first time in their lives. A $20 kettle meant less food to eat so we used a saucepan (because we already had one) on the stovetop. Ok it took a little longer, made the beds and hung out the washing before it was done boiling, but we didn’t miss out. We ate a lot of lentils, rice and other cheap but very nutritious meals. It’s amazing how well you can feed a family of 5 on $75 a week and still have change sometimes.
    We didn’t have a TV nor computer, though we had to get one when the boys came home with a floppy disc with their homework on it one day.
    We lived together as a team to meet the challenges, taking cues from my own parents who just like your own mum, lived simply but very effectively and enjoyed every minute of it.
    12 years on, it’s amazing to hear the kids say now how it was the most wonderful time of their childhood and employ the skills today that they learned then to live independently now. As one son reflected yesterday, “Once we cut all the crap out, we were free to really live”

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