Q & A: Should I Send My Child to Child Care?

Should I send my child to childcare?

The following was emailed to me by a friend from my mothers group back in Sydney:

I hope you don’t mind me contacting you but I was after a bit of advice from you on the need for childcare, obviously with your experience and also by the fact that you have now chosen to be a stay at home mum.

I am in a bit of a quandary over if I should be putting R (who is almost 3) into care for one or two days a week.  Do you think they need it?  What sort of benefits would you see him getting/not getting?  Out of interest, are you looking at doing this with Immy?  I really enjoy having him around and am not finding it a struggle to be at home with both (my friend also has a daughter who is almost 12 months old).  I do put him into a creche at the gym for two hours a week and we are always out and about with friends, plus I do loads with him at home.

I’m also not sure if I can justify paying the money for child care, especially if I am at home.  It would involve me dipping into our already tight income to do so or alternatively, I go back to work and essentially my income would pay for child care for both children.  There is also the question if this is worth with all of the added stress of work, getting everyone in and out of the house on time, plus keeping up with everything else you need to do.  Ahh, decisions : )

What are your thoughts on this? If it something that will be of real benefit for him then I will find a way to make it work.

 

Given the sense of ‘peer pressure’ on Mums in Australia to put their child into child care for ‘social reasons’ regardless of working status, I can understand the quandary my friend finds herself in. I myself often find that people are regularly asking if and when I am putting Immy into child care.  Personally, my little one is growing up way too fast as it is and I am way to selfish to let her go just yet.  Even though it can be hard when I am working from home, we have made the decision to have the occasional help of a babysitter at home to give me the time to meet my deadlines, rather than regular child care.

In my work as a child care centre Director, I met many parents who made the decision to put their child  into care part time despite the fact that they didn’t work.  The majority of these parents cited concerns that their child would be disadvantaged socially or in terms of school readiness if they did not attend child care (I am referring to children aged 2 years and above).  Whilst I understand that parents want to give their child every opportunity for success and development, I do not believe that attending child care is the only way for a child to develop social skills or readiness for formal schooling (or for that matter, any other area of developmental skill).  Yes, there are certainly skills and behaviours which most children learn as they function as part of a group but that does not mean that they cannot be learnt outside of a care environment.

For those who choose not to send their child to child care, the following is a list of activities which I would suggest incorporating into your weekly rhythm or routine;

  • Attend a playgroup with your child so that they have the opportunity to learn to negotiate play spaces and toys with other little people of a similar age.  A playgroup which includes regular (but brief) scheduled activities like story time, craft time and music time will give your child the opportunity to participate in a group and to practise listening and attending to what other adults are saying.
  • Similarly, arrange play dates with friends with children of similar ages so that your child has the opportunity to practise social skills like sharing his/her own things and taking turns, preferably one on one with another child.
  • Provide your child with the opportunity to develop a greater sense of independence and responsibility.  Responsibility for his/her belongings by packing away toys, putting his/her dirty laundry in the laundry basket, putting clean clothes away, sweeping up messes and wiping up spills.  Allow him/her to pour his own water, to set the table for meals and to help clear the table afterward.   Encourage independence with dressing, buttoning, and putting on and taking off shoes.  These are often the sorts of things children will learn to do at child care.
  • Teach your child responsibility for their own basic personal hygiene – wiping their own nose, washing hands thoroughly, toileting independently.
  • Read to your child daily.  Encourage them to sit still, engaging and concentrating for brief periods of time  (for suggestions on reading with young children, visit the posts under the Read topic theme here).
  • Actively involve and engage your child in everyday learning opportunities – shopping, cooking, tidying and cleaning, playing, being outdoors.  All of these experiences teach your child about the world and their role in it.
  • Create opportunities for your child to spend time without you.  Whether it be swapping with a friend or asking family to help, it is good for your child to spend small amounts of time away from you.  This is especially important as they approach formal schooling but separation is often easier if it is something which they are used to so starting when they are young does make sense.
  • Regularly engage in creative experiences like painting, drawing, pasting, playdough, and cutting with scissors.  Not only are they important forms of creative expression, these types of activities develop the fine motor skills important to later learning to write.
  • Play outside, preferably every day.  Explore the world whilst developing physical skills.
  • Play.  Every day.  In lots of different ways.

Of course, my friend’s decision is purely personal, she knows her child best and must take into account their financial considerations as well (and I certainly understand that juggling act).  And I wish her well and know that she will do what is right for both her son and her little family.

Does your child attend child care or have you made a choice not to send them, choosing instead to be at home or to use other care options? What do you feel are the benefits of being home, or of being in care?

{Image source bottom: mriggen}

38 Comments

  1. What an interesting question. But, I would like to differentiate between childcare and preschool. In my personal situation we didn’t require childcare because I am a stay at home Mum. But we did choose to enrol Amy in a preschool for two days a week when she was three and a half. We had many reasons for this but mainly because I see my job as a Mum as seperate to being a teacher. I am not a teacher, I am a Mum and although we do all the things above that you mention with Amy, there are many things that I can’t do, or don’t feel able to do especially with another smaller child at home. My role as Mum includes my role as keeper of our house and maker of meals and do’er of washing and after Stella was born it became harder for me to do all these roles and still keep Amy stimulated and entertained. Preschool was the perfect solution. Its a small, privately run preschool within walking distance of our house. The hours are less than a long day care and Amy is in a class with other children her age. She has more fun in one day at preschool than I am often able to pack into a week at home. Its been such a success for us that this year we made the decision for her to stay at preschool for another year, in the older class, rather than sending her to school, which we could have done based on her age.

    1. I think it is fantastic that you found a early learning situation which meets the needs of your child and family.

  2. Christie, last year I was in the same exact situation as the mom who contacted you. I did try a very part-time (1 morning a week) preschool for my then 3-year-old boy. It was a good preschool that provided lots of group physical and occupational therapy as well (something my son needs). But we went on a summer break and never returned. What happened? Well, I figured out that as far as socialization goes, we were getting plenty of it just by arranging playdates with the neighbors and friends and going to gymnastics classes. As for the school readiness, I firmly believe in learning through play and lots and lots of reading and we were doing both. Now, physical and occupational therapy – well, since the preschool was only once a week, I was doing most of PT and OT work with my son anyway so he was getting individualized attention (we do go to periodic evaluations by professional therapists though). So for us, choosing not to do preschool worked out well. Also, it depends in large part on the child’s learning style and how well it works with the preschool’s methods. Most preschools here (in the US) rotate through learning themes weekly. So one week it can be all about firefighters and policemen and the next week – all about the Independence Day. This doesn’t work for my son. He’s more of a type that gets intensely interested in one topic and sticks with it for months. The rest is simply of no interest to him (or of passing interest) and consequently he avoids any crafts, arts, literacy, etc activities that are not related to his interest.

  3. I love your article and all the tips you have included. I feel bad that any parent would feel pressured to place his or her preschooler in childcare. Although I do advocate for early childhood education – I also am a huge believer that any time at home with mom or dad during the preschool years should be valued and enjoyed. When my daughter turned three, I signed her up for a part time preschool program and she loved it. I did this mainly so she would have opportunity to spend time with children her age. I already had the education part down just fine:) She loved it and it was a great balance for both of us. I enjoyed my daughter’s preschool years and didn’t want to miss any of it so a part time program (2 or 3 mornings a week) worked well for us!

    1. Thank you, Deborah. Your support means a lot. I think if we had a part time preschool program of just mornings, it would be something I would consider too. Unfortunately, there is not much of that available where we live.

      1. I’m just wondering how you find pre-schools that are actually (aherm) worthwhile? 🙂

        1. I think it takes time and effort, visiting a range of services and asking lots of questions about their early learning program. I would be looking for a centre which values the learning potential of young children, where the children are all happily engaged in the learning environment and where learning experiences and activities are appropriate to the age and interests of the children. If you checked out my ABC of Child Care series, lots of the questions would still be relevant, even to preschool – https://childhood101.com/category/learn/child-care-abc/

  4. Candace @NaturallyEducational says:

    No child (with the exception of at-risk kids) “need” daycare or preschool…but some parents and families may!

    There’s a lot of research showing little benefit and some possible drawbacks.

    That said, my daughter goes to preschool 3 mornings a week 3 hours each time). It is a small coop and I chose it for its play-based philosophy.

    We decided on preschool because she loves very organized, thematic, well-planned lessons. I work from home part time and also have a two year old so I tend to make my activities with them more impromptu.

    I am not sure if my 2 yo will go to preschool next year. He’s much more go with the flow in his temperament BUT I do have # 3 on the way and it would be nice to have a couple of hours a week with just the infant.

    Bottom line: as a parent and an educator who has looked at the research, I do not think a child needs daycare or preschool…but I think they can be part of a family’ schedule in a way that works for that family’s needs.

    1. I agree, Candace, they don’t ‘need’ child care for development. And that it is important, if you do choose an early learning program to choose one which best suits your child.

  5. Oh god no! I would never worry about childcare for my child at 3 unless I needed it. I work 4 days a week and my children all went to long daycare 2 days a week. For my second eldest (soon to be in Kindergarten) we moved this to 3 days a week when she was 4 as we felt she enjoyed the stimulation and activities of childcare. We kept our oldest (soon to be a first grader) at 2 days a week until he went to school. We will see what works best for our youngest (2.5 years).

    I would make your decision on an individual basis but I don’t think children automatically ‘need’ childcare in their younger years. I do think a pre-schoo environment is a good idea for 4 year olds in order to help with school readiness. x

  6. I LOVE this question too. In our community…92% of the families are two-income working families. Home childcare, for infants especially, is booked nearly two yrs. in advance of planned pregnancies. Many childcare providers do not have the capacity to extend part-time openings to children as they are limited to a strict licensing quota. Our center-based programs have more opportunities for part-time openings as well as preschool ONLY programs. I have taught at home and raised my six children in a home childcare/preschool environment. The socialization with other kids and the learning opportunities have allowed all of them to enter primary years with success. Two of them, in fact, came back to teach here after college. The risk of illness does GO UP when kids are around other kids, so be prepared:) If you can do something part-time and there are quality places available, that is WONDERFUL. Your child gets the best of you and the socialization/play/learning opportunites that being with other children and qualified teachers can offer. Goodluck to you!!

    1. Your reminder about illness is a good one, Darla. Children in group care do tend to get ill more than children at home, especially in the first year or two.

      1. Really? Is there evidence for this? My kids just do a few activities/playgroups and are as sick as much as our friends’ kids in childcare. I worry that this is a myth that adds to mothers’ guilt but actually without basis.

  7. Thank-You!
    Oh my goodness, where do I begin?? I am a stay at home mummy (kinda) to a nearly little one year old girl (on the 16th Jan). I am honestly asked EVERY single day, “When is she going into childcare?” I am told every other day, “Without childcare she will not be socialised.” I have been lucky enough to work casual 3 -6 hrs a week from when my little one was about 3 months old (only to keep my skills up as in my profession they go very quickly (oral health therapist)). But my husband and I were able to juggle his schedule to allow him to stay at home with her, (the cost of childcare would have been the same as me working). However this year my husband starts a new job and we have organised our very tight budget so that I do not need to work and can stay at home with my little girl (I am back studying postgraduate to advance in my field). According to absoloutly everyone I am the worse mother in the world and my biggest critics are other mothers!! I get sick and tired of defending my husbands and my choices every other day. My daughter has plenty of socialising! She has a swimming lesson once a week and at the VERY minimum 1 playdate a week, generally 3 with a group of children. But because she gets upset in a group situtaion when there is a lot of people around her, I need to put her in childcare to ‘nip it in the butt now’!
    Sorry for my long rant but reading your article has made my day and lets me know that there is other women who have happy healthy children NOT in childcare 🙂 I understand the need for childcare if it works for the family, but if I decide not to send her then shouldnt my desicion be respected?

    1. You are completely right in saying that your decision as a parent for your child should most definitely be respected.

    2. I agree completely. The idea that children ‘need’ to go to childcare for socialisation is outdated and just rubbish. I mentioned a great book that you should read called ‘Why your love is best’ by Stephen Biddulph (authour of raising boys) – it will confirm your feelings.

      Just being around one or both parents, engaging in conversations with other adults & children on playdates, swimming etc.. is more than enough socialisation.

      You know whats best for your bub!

  8. I can’t imagine sending any of mine to childcare just for socialisation. I can understand if the parents work, or if the parents need a break. But if neither of those apply I would be saddened to think anyone was peer pressured into putting their child into care. I think there are benefits, but there are also lots of disadvantages. I agree with all your alternative suggestions if it is just a case of socialisation. Having said that, mine do/did attend childcare while I’m at work – but that’s my decision, and not something I was peer pressured into.
    xxxCate

  9. This is so timely for me as I am feeling this pressure. The Bebito is so great with older kids but not so much with younger ones. I try to catch up with other kids but it doesn’t always happen and as I don’t drive playgroup can be difficult. I worry that I am not doing the right thing for him all the time. Does he need this time away from me learning with other people and understanding that the universe doesn’t revolve around him??? I felt very strongly not so keen on childcare when he was younger but now that he’s 2 (and he’s a grown up 2) I wonder if he needs the stimulation? He’s a happy boy most of the time but to be honest, it IS just the 2 of us a lot as his Dad works long hours.
    To complicate matters for me, I work from home and the one day I am physically at work he spends with my Mum who he adores and I really feel that relationship is so important that I’m really happy he’s there. I am also midst setting up my crafting business and could well do with some time to myself BUT I don’t make money from it as yet and we can’t afford the childcare if I’m not.
    I’m really conflicted as you can probably tell! 🙂

    1. He really, really doesn’t. He needs that time with you at that age.

      I don’t think there is anything wrong with you getting a break if you need it and can afford it…but a two year old does not need “socialization” or “stimulation” outside of a loving parent or grandparent.

      As he gets older, he will learn to play in an age appropriate way.

      Can you take public transport to a local library or community center? Or could you invite some moms with similar age kids to come to your place?

      Even if you can’t, try to set your mind at ease…there has been research on this topic and it hasn’t shown any need for daycare, etc.

      1. Thanks Candace. I think it’s hard to go with your instinct on this (mine agrees with you!) when so many are telling me otherwise. I do see other Mums from my MG just not every week without fail. I’m lucky that where we live is so close to the beach and really good local activities and do catch the bus to the library for reading time and we undertook a music class locally too. I can’t thank you enough for your reassurance! xx

        1. It sounds like Bebito is engaged in a good range of activities and regular opportunities to mix with other children. Working from home can be hard, especially when you are not generating a lot of income, it is difficult to justify the cost of care, I understand that one completely!

  10. This is a great topic, I am also early childhood trained and a stay at home Mum by choice.
    My children 4 & 5 have been in day care since they were 1&1/2 and 2&1/2. I didn’t plan to send them so early but I was asked to work two days a week at the child care centre when it first opened because it is owned by close friends who wanted some help to get established, so, I was always able to be part of their day. I think this made the decision to let them go to day care alot easier than it would for many people, I had the luxury of knowing exactly how the centre was run, who the staff really were and the added bonus of family friends who my kids see as an extension of their family there all the time.
    These days if you find a high quality long day care it will automatically incorporate a preschool program the only difference is that you have the flexibility of choosing the hours your children attend, which can be a great help with family routines.
    When I decided to stop working at the centre I didn’t feel justified in pulling the kids out of their classes because they love them so much. I also feel no shame in admitting that although I was always good at my job I probably didn’t fall into being a full time mum as easily as I had expected, so I use the days my kids are at day care as a study (sanity!) break.
    I think the choice to use or not to use childcare is absolutely a personal decision. If you are really worried about the effects of sending or not sending your child to day care, think about all of the successful adults you know, are you able to differentiate between the ones that attended preschool and the ones that didn’t? Probably not!

  11. I put my children into childcare at a relatively young age but only for a day a week. I did this so I could work and felt quite comfortable because I was in a country town, the child care was literally around the corner and I knew all the carers! Both my kids have loved it.

    We live on a farm and access to play sessions with other children was not always easy and playgroup a long drive away. It worked out to be more practical to work and have childcare on the same day. I got some adult contact and the kids got some social contact with other kids the same age. Interestingly, I was fortunate enough to not have to work financially but chose to for career and personal satisfaction reasons. I copped a bit of flack from some people for making this choice.

  12. My daughter was in care as a toddler, as I returned to work part-time when she was 1. She continued in care after her baby brother was born, even though I stayed home. By this time she was 3 1/2, and she enjoyed her time there. Plus, they were able to give her something that I wasn’t at the time, which was time dedicated to age-appropriate activities. When I had a newborn I was not always able to focus on my preschool-aged child in the same way that her daycare was. Also, she has always been very social, and so this was an easy way to meet that need.

    My second child, who is now 2 1/2, has not been in care. He will likely attend preschool once he turns 3. I will say that we started a class with him this week, and I noticed a definite difference between him and his sister at the same age. He is much less used to following other people’s routines and sitting in a circle and waiting his turn. However, these are skills that he can learn outside of care, as you’ve said. For now, I think there’s lots of time, and I’ll be taking some more classes with him to help him pick it up.

  13. I put my daughter in family day care when she was 1 1/2 years old for 2 days per week (I only needed one day but the minimum was 2).. Not because I was returning to work, but because I was physically and mentally exhausted and desperately needed some ‘me’ time.. (There were alot of other things going on too.. my dad was sick, we were moving house and my mum was going through chemo.. Plus I had spent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the last year and a half with a baby and no break!) I actually don’t think I would have survived that period if we had not decided to seek some form of childcare, Although it was very difficult financially as we were paying for childcare without me working, but my husband and I decided that my mental health was worth it!!

    Now my daughter is 3 and goes to preschool 2 days a week while I am studying. This is the PERFECT balance for me and her.. we get 3 days a week to spend together at home and the other 2 days a week I get to use my brain and be with other adults and feel normal again. On those days she gets to play with other kids and be stimulated in a way that I don’t think I could provide at home.
    Soon we will have number 2 and I will continue to send her 2 days a week so that I can have some time at home with the new baby.

  14. This was such an interesting post Christie and fascinating feedback. I’ve always assumed the argument went the other way – that people always judged me because I did put my son in care. My ears certainly pricked up when Mem Fox suggested that full-time childcare is child abuse.

    My son, who is now two and a half, started one day a week in childcare when he was six months old and is now in three days a week. He is really suited to it and generally really enjoys it and I think it’s important to consider their personality and your personality when making a call. If they’re not keen on it and it makes you feel anxious it’s probably not a great decision for you – especially if it’s not going to boost your finances. In my situation where I am the main breadwinner and my son likes the childcare environment then I feel like it works for us.

    Thanks for opening up the topic!

    1. Unfortunately, Eleanor, judgment between mums seems to go every which way!

  15. Great post. This is a timely question for me too. I am a stay at home Mum to Isobel 2.5 yrs and Ayla, who is 4 weeks old. I love being able to be home with my girls – I am in a fortunate position where I don’t ‘need’ to work at this point. I do share a babysitter with my neighbour for a morning a week so I can have some ‘me time’ and now, one on one time with my newborn.

    I think that obviously families need to do what suits their situation and I believe children can flourish in both scenarios. What I think is very sad though is when I hear comments such as “I know that the childcare centre has a better idea of what my child needs than I do” and “It is important to put your child in care as early as possible or you will have problems with integrating them in to Kindergarten” What rubbish!

    When did we as a society decide that we dont know how to raise our own children?
    Stephen Biddulph (author of Raising Boys) wrote a wonderful book called ‘why your love is best’ and whilst it is a little un-sympathetic towards parents who do need to work and use childcare, it does have some very good points about what children really psycologically need before the age of three – their parents, an abundance of love, love, love and the freedom to discover the world around them at their own pace.

    I think sometimes we get a little bit too pre-occupied with trying to provide our kids with the ‘best’ possible start with exposure to the best resources and we forget that their needs a really very simple.

    1. I love your comment, Jess. You are right, when did we forget how to raise our own children? And I love your words “I think sometimes we get a little bit too pre-occupied with trying to provide our kids with the ‘best’ possible start with exposure to the best resources and we forget that their needs a really very simple.”

      1. Jess, I love your way of thinking and you’re totally right! I like simple parenting and this sure is a brilliant place to get ideas about how to keep it simple and fun. xx

  16. Thankyou for this post! It has reassured me that I am not doing my 3 year old daughter a disservice by refraining to utilise childcare. My husband and I both felt that, in our situation, our daughter would benefit more from my ability to stay at home during her formative years, and we are fortunate that I am able to do so. It is difficult however, to ignore the self doubt that arises on occasion, especially when the topic of socialisation and the expertise of childcare workers in child development is raised by well meaning mothers I know, who do utilise childcare. Thanks to your information, I am now reassured that her socialisation needs are indeed being met, and I can incorporate a few more activities into our daily routine, to ensure her readiment for pre-prep next year. Christie, thanks for the wonderful resource that you provide to we Mums, who really, regardless of our situations, are all doing the best that we can for our children!

  17. I am SO glad that someone spoke up about this! I am a stay-at-home mom in the USA and have a son who is almost 3 years old and a daughter who is 1. Just the other day, a lady at my church told me that my son should be in daycare for “socializing” and it would be “good for him to have that” at his age. It hurt me so much that I started to doubt if him not going to preschool was a bad thing. I have a sister who works full time and her 3 boys have gone to day care/preschool since they were 6 weeks old. She always tells me that what I’m doing is great and wishes that she could stay home with her boys. I asked her about him needing “socializing” and she said that is completely untrue. And she is right – I realized my son gets plenty of socialization: During the week I watch another little girl with my son and daughter, he has usually 2-3 play dates with other kids during the week, I read to him as much as possible, and almost all of the things on your list we do together during the day as well. I know this is impossible, but I wish people would just keep their comments to themselves about how to raise OUR OWN children. I know that will never happen, but I just want to say THANK YOU for your question and comments! It makes me feel like I am doing what’s right for my kids.

  18. I have stumbled across your blog at the perfect time. My son is 2.5 and I have another year until i consider pre-school. HOwever, 90% of his mates at playgroup and the like have already experienced some form of childcare. I began to wonder if i needed to put him just to ‘keep up’ and trialed a 1/2 day for two weeks. He didn’t seem to mind it altho tentative when i dropped him off…i on the other hand just wasn’t ready. I didn’t take him back the third week and copped two week advance pymt. However, i am a stay-at-home mum who loves being around her children and i know the next year will go incredibly quick. However, i wasn’t sure if i was doing the right thing and then your blog just made perfect sense and has given me some ideas of what to do at home etc. This precious time goes so quick and i did feel some pressure to get him ‘out there’ but I know i stumbled across your blog for a reason…thanks, its taken a load off my mind…LOVE IT!! 🙂

  19. I’m so glad I found this 🙂 My daughter just turned 2 and I thought it was ‘normal’ to put them into daycare at this age, I’ve now changed my mind. I was feeling pressure to put her into daycare, not from anyone in particular.. just society as a whole I suppose. I am lucky enough that I get to spend every weekday with my daughter as I work nights so she doesn’t need to go into daycare so I can work. My daughter loves being around other children, but she doesn’t need to go to daycare for this to happen. On Mondays we have swimming lessons, Thursday is Kindergym and Fridays are playgroup.. we also go to the library and read books and play together. So now I’m going to hold off until the year where she’ll be 3 and turns 4 in the March.. there’s a preschool near our house and they have a school readiness program, but until then.. she’s all mine 🙂

  20. All of you saying you’d pick preschool over daycare do realise there is NO difference in Australia between the two except hours and cost. The staff are trained the same, they rub to the same regs, they have the same learning outcomes, they have the same assessment process, the school readiness is the same. Etc etc.
    I am a teacher myself, I have worked in a long day care preschool room and one of the local schools said that the children I sent up to school were the most prepared- in the town where I worked there are 3 long daycare centres and one preschool.
    Where I work now we have 3 long day care rooms (one nursery, one toddlers and one preschool ages) and 2 preschool rooms. The only difference is the staff in the room and the hours! In each of the 5 rooms there is on ECT and everyone else holds a diploma or certificate and there are 2 more staff studying their degrees.

    My point basically you cannot compare the two types of care. You pick what suits your lifestyle and your child. When I have children I will send them where they are happiest. And that doesn’t necessarily mean they will attend care where I work.

  21. Great article and the relief from parents in comments in amazing. I am reminded of a saying that I try to keep front of mind: ‘we’re raising grown ups’! The only solid ‘benefit’ of childcare espoused here, assuming we have the luxury of choice, is that it produces kids more ready for the structured, formal learning environment of school. But taking that one step further, do kids who are more compliant in Prep turn out to be smarter, ‘better’ adults? I would be very interested to know. I doubt it’s so simple, or that kids who arent compliant in Prep are automatically troubled adults. And my eye is on the prize – happy, kind adults not easy to manage, compliant kids.

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