Our Breastfeeding Story: A Weaning Failure
I tried. I really did. Despite my tears. But I failed.
I previously shared our intention to wean Immy from her midday breastfeed as my DH was on holidays and could help me settle her at sleep time without the feeding part of her routine. I knew it would be a hard task but I had no idea how hard.
On day 1 she had a tantrum and was crying and calling for me. My DH stayed with her, consoling her until she fell asleep, exhausted as we had had a busy morning. At the same time, I was sobbing in the lounge room, feeling completely devastated. I kept trying to tell myself it was just one feed (of three) but it felt wrong, she was so upset and couldn’t understand why she was being denied something that she has enjoyed her whole life.
Day 2 saw more of the same for both of us, lots and lots of tears. Day 3 she cried less and did not have a tantrum but it took a long time for her to go to sleep. Day 4 she was very tired but oh, so difficult to get down. Day 5 was much better, she fussed much less.
Day 6 was the first day I tried to put her to sleep as DH was heading back to work in two days and we wanted to see how she would go if I put her down. Amazingly, she did well. But it was not to last.
Day 8 we were back to lots of fussing, which started as soon as she knew we were heading to her room to get ready for sleep time. She has not resisted her daytime nap since she went to one sleep. Usually she is really ready for it.
Day 9 saw more nap time resistance and 45 minutes of tanties, protesting, crying and fidgeting in the cot before she fell asleep face down. And then she only slept for 50 minutes not her usual 1 1/2-2 hours.
And from there it just got worse. Longer to put down and only sleeping for one sleep cycle before waking up really upset and once again asking for her ‘booba.’ As well, she started asking for ‘booba’ at other times (which she has not done before) and she was stretching out her morning and evening feeds as long as possible.
Finally on Day 12, I decided enough was enough. I was getting tired and emotional trying to settle her. I was getting nothing done during nap time as she was sleeping for such a short time. She was getting emotional going down and on waking and would stay that way for much of the afternoon as she was so tired. I gave in and we are back to breastfeeding three times a day.
I know she doesn’t need it for nutritional reasons anymore but I think her emotional health is just as important and emotionally she just isn’t ready yet. Yes, I am tied to her three times a day. No, I can’t yet go away for a girls weekend. Yes, sometimes sitting there whilst she is feeding I do wish someone else could take a turn. No, I don’t want to become an earth mother feeding a four year old child. But this is what I signed up for. I believe motherhood is about putting my child’s needs before my own. I hope it won’t be too much longer until she is ready. But until she is you will find us together morning, noon and night.
Making a decision based on what you believe is best for your child can't possibly equal failure. Be kind to yourself. You have not failed yourself, or your child.
Oh Christie, well done I say , it might not be what you ideally wanted but if she doesn't understand and you are all just getting upset then I would think you have done the right thing to keep going with it.
I on the other hand was rejected by both of mine at some stage with self weaning DD @ 14 mths DS abruptly @ only 8 mths … much to my distress!
Loving and caring for your child is not failure – she will be ready soon and it is beautiful that she feels so connected to you. They grow up way too fast anyway and instead of feeling a failure, congratulate yourself on the fact you have such a beautiful bond with this gorgeous little girl (and no I am not biased at all because she is my grand-daughter). You, DH and Immy are a beautiful family unit – you have all done so well just as you will when she is ready to say good-bye to booba xxx
The time will come soon enough when she will be independent! My 3 older girls were weaned when I knew we were both ready (all before age 2). I am currently bf-ing twins at 14 mo. but I know it won't last forever.
With my last bf-ing babe, we worked into it, slowly eliminating unneccessary feedings by distraction. The nap and night-time feedings were still allowed and then my husband began taking her at night and I would "disappear" so she could fall asleep on her own terms.
It worked for us and I'll always remember that day at naptime when she fell asleep alone and I thought to myself, "Oh my, yesterday was the last day my little one nursed."
I know that being tied to the feeding. If you are really keen to drop that feed, you could try a sipper cup of milk as a substitute before her daytime nap, and cuddling her while she drinks it initially.
oh I know how tough weening can be! I had to wean my daughter when she was about 19months because my husband and I we're going for a 3 week pilgrimage and she was staying back with my mother-in-law. That was super tough and my heart broke everytime she cried. I wish you all the best, and I'm glad to see you're doing what works the best for you 🙂
Hi! I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog.
So much interesting reading here. I have thought about weaning Evie, but I figure there is no real need to so hope she weans herslef at some stage.
Thank you all for your supportive comments. Immy is back to normal with her daytime sleeps now that she is feeding again before the sleep. Let's hope that she self-weans in the next few months, though I won't hld my breath as she seems pretty dedicated to her 'booba!'
Christie