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What is a Tween or Tweenager?

Tween.

The word grates when I attempt to say it out loud. I feel like I am living in a bad sitcom every time I hear it, but it seems to be the most accurate term to describe my oldest kids right now. They are ten (twins) and while they are not yet teenagers, they are also not little kids any more, and yet they often seem to show traits from both!

They are definitely in-beTWEEN.

What is a tween or tweenager?

What is a Tween or Tweenager? What Age Is a Tween?

The definition of ‘tween’ varies, with some using it describe children aged 10-14 years, some 8-12 years and others who use it only to describe girls… but I think the most accurate definition of a tween or ‘tweenager’ is any child, boy or girl, aged 9-13 years.

Regardless of how you define it, what is certain is that children in this age range are going through a lot of changes and, as a result, we might also need to rethink our own approach, now that we are parenting tweens.

Tween Changes and Development
Physically tweens are growing rapidly and approaching puberty with all the hormones and physical changes that go along with it.

Their brains are also going through a rapid period of growth and development. They are now capable of more abstract and complex thinking  and of using deductive reasoning to successfully anticipate consequences.

Socially they are moving away from their parents and family being the centre of their world, and becoming more and more influenced by their peers. Peer pressure and other friend issues may become important as they become more aware of ‘fitting in’.

At this age children are capable of more complex emotions, and coupled with worry about what others think, this can make them quite sensitive.

Tweens are busy developing a sense of self, and trying to figure out ‘who they are’, but they can also have very fragile self-esteem. They are often eager to take on more responsibility and independence, even if they are sometimes unsure about it.

All these changes see us parents facing kids who can be moody, angry, anxious, confused, grown up and still oh so little.

But it’s not all bad!

The Upsides
More complex thinking means that tweens are able to think through their actions, see potential consequences before they occur and make changes to their behaviour…at least sometimes!

Eagerness to be independent means that are capable of taking on more responsibilities around the home and being generally more responsible for themselves.

RELATED: Tips for Avoiding a Battle With Your Tween Over Chores

And above all, our tweens still need us parents, so now is the time to strengthen relationships and build connections.

Do you have a Tween? What is the hardest thing about living with tweens? What is the best thing?

Parenting Tweens: A new series from Kate Fairlie of Picklebums at Childhood 101



Kate Fairlie is an early childhood educator and Mum of four who lives on a small property, 'The Pickle Farm,' in 'almost rural' Victoria. Kate blogs about all kinds of crazy things - twins, gentle parenting, gardening, trying to be a little self sufficient, activities for kids, a recipe here and anything else that pops up in her crazy life!

Read more of Kate's adventures at http://picklebums.com/.

Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:

  3. Penny says

    March 23, 2014 at 1:45 PM

    Tweens scare me too. So sad because either way I'll have three female tweens sooner than I think. I can only hope we'll grow into the changes together.

    • katepickle says

      March 23, 2014 at 5:51 PM

      Tweens scare me too.. and I have two of them! LOL But I am slowly getting used to the idea that my girls are growing up, and it's not all scary and bad.. promise!

  4. Kate says

    March 24, 2014 at 6:21 PM

    I don't have any tweens myself but I'll be interested to read this. My niece and nephew are around the 'tween' age and it's interesting to read about the changes in their development, which you described. I hope I handle this stage when my little girl grows up. LOL

  6. Jennette says

    April 2, 2014 at 12:51 PM

    I have one going to be 11 this summer. We have definitely experienced the mood swings over the last 2 years. Every time I look at her and see all the physical changes I wonder where my little girl went. SShe's getting more interested in boys (so not ready for that) and more independent. On the upside, she has also matured a lot over the last year! That is, until you put her 6 yr old sister in the same room... all maturity goes out the window along with my sanity!

  7. Grumpy72 says

    July 30, 2014 at 12:27 AM

    I have one official teen (ha I survived tween-age-hood!), and one tween (all girls!), and I gotta say it's my absolute favourite age. The hardest thing for me to deal with in regard to them is the emotional shifts. With my oldest I was blindsided and couldn't figure out what she turned into such an emotional rollercoaster, where before she was pretty balanced, but once I figured it out we talked it through - once she figured out the why - she kind of balanced herself again but remained more emotional than before! My middle, I'm a little better equipped. I loved watching them go through that transformation from child to finding out who they wanted to be and how they wanted the world to see them - we spent a lot of time talking about their perceptions and how others might see them through various phases and stages. My oldest biggest frustration so far is the fact that no one (in the adult world) really knows how to talk to them or treat them, it's a fine line between being an adult and being a child.

  8. Jeanne Mariella Uwimana says

    March 28, 2018 at 3:47 PM

    We are having a tween in the house! This blog is a big help! Thank you so much!

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