There she is on the front cover of our state paper, Miranda Kerr, strolling down the runway, five months pregnant, looking radiant. And why wouldn’t she. The world is her oyster, she has so much to look forward to. I hope she loves mothering as much as I do. I wish her all the best. And yet, this picture makes my heart ache.
Or Princess Mary, smiling serenely at me from the cover of a magazine. Glowing with twins growing in her belly. She already has two beautiful children. We are the same age. The grief gripped me like a vice, the tears flow and I try hard to stay on my feet and not to pass out as I stand at the checkout, waiting to pay for the pyjamas I need for hospital, knowing that my baby is soon to be born and never to take a breath. Why does life so often seem so unfair?
This current, insatiable media frenzy about celebrity pregnancies and births is overwhelming at times. Ten weeks ago I wondered, where are the stories of celebrities grieving with loss, with the pain of trying to conceive? It must happen. Why are we, the everyday women, only given half of the picture? The happy, joyful half.
And then today I saw it. The story of singer, Lily Allen’s baby loss during her sixth month of pregnancy. And my heart broke all over again. It does happen to everyone, celebrities included, and as sad as it is, we need to hear these stories of loss.
I knew my baby. He was a life. To me, he was a person. Obviously, a person that others did not have the opportunity to know, to meet, but still a person, a person I loved. When you lose someone you love, you grieve. Grief is a process which takes time. And you need the support of other to get through it.
You need to feel that it is okay to talk about what you are feeling, should you wish,
that it will not make others uncomfortable,
that it was ‘not for the best’ or ‘meant to be,’
that it is okay to be sad, or angry, or whatever it is you are feeling,
not just for a day, or for a week, or even a month,
but for how ever long it takes for you to adjust to the impact the loss will have on your life.
Every. Single. Day.
Tonight my thoughts are with Lily Allen and her family.
If you have lost a baby during pregnancy or shortly thereafter (or know of someone who has), and you are looking for a place of understanding and support, you may find my new blog, With Tears of Love, a small comfort. Invitations to contribute are ongoing and details on how to share your story can be found on the site.
Christie Burnett is a teacher, presenter, writer and the mother of two. She created Childhood 101 as a place for teachers and parents to access engaging, high quality learning ideas.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't remember if I had said that back in September (I've been reading your blog for a few months now).
When we lost our baby boy 8 years ago following a placental abruption, I was devastated and even though all I wanted to do was lie in bed, go to sleep and never wake up again, I had a 2 year old daughter who needed me. So I got up with her every morning, made sure she was clothed and fed and loved.
His birth was a horrible, horrible tragedy and the hospital care I received then made it all the worse and I grieved mournfully and angrily for so long afterwards. But now I have reached a certain peace with it all. Having another baby after won't fill that huge gaping hole in one's heart. But we know what it means to lose and our family is richer in ways it would never have been had we not lost Adam.
Someday I hope you will find that peace as well.
I am so deeply sorry Christie. Please know I am here for you xxxx
I'm so sorry for your loss. 🙁
I have actually seen a few stories on public figures or celebrities lately who have lost babies, whether they are recent losses or a long time ago and they're finally coming out about it.
Kristine Keneally, the NSW premier had a stillborn baby many years ago, as did Annie Lennox.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/02/19/2824605.htm
http://video.au.msn.com/watch/video/keneally-s-personal-tragedy/xbtp84b?showPlaylist=true&from=news&fg=news
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/article3908893.ece
The pain does ease, but it never goes away, I lost my baby girl Amy nearly 5 years ago, and today I'm feeling really sad with the realisation that she should have been starting school in the new year.
I know when I first lost Amy, seeing all the happy pregnant celebrities in the news just broke my heart.
You are definitely not alone unfortunately 🙁
So sorry Christie (hugs) and for Lily Allen too.
It haunted me for months..years that it is hardly discussed in the media.
It is sad it is rarely discussed about pregnancy loss.
Recently I saw Anne Geddes new book "Beginnings" being promoted ..it was extremely sad but important they spoke about 'Rachel' her picture was taken by Anne only days before her due date.Her daughter Sierra died 2 days later.
Christine, I too am so very sorry for the loss of your baby. I haven't lost a baby, and I can't imagine your grief. I do remember feeling bombarded by celebrity pregnancies when we were struggling with infertility, and then on the rollercoaster of IVF. I would even have to look away if I saw a pregnant women in the street, for fear of dissolving into tears.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing this Christie, and for "With tears of love" too. I have not experienced late pregnancy loss, though I did have an early miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant and that was devastating enough.
I think it is fantastic that you are sharing your story and your emotions to help those who are yet to live this journey and those who will need to support someone through a similar tragedy. Thanks.
It's been 10 years for us, and yes, I can say we've also found some peace now. My 3 year old daughter was asking her daddy about the things on his shelf, and they talked about Caitlin and that she had died. She thought it through and then dissolved into inconsolable sobbing. It was awful, but a reminder that we've all got a grief journey – even those siblings that are not yet born.
Thinking of you, and so sorry for your tragic loss.
Christie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you and your family x
Thinking of you and your family Christie.XX
I am so sorry for your lost Christie.
You are totally right on the Celeb front. We often do not hear about the heartache that they go through but I am currently watching giuliana and bill.(giuliana is a reporter for E News and Bill is one of the winner of The Apprentice. both are reality tv stars). Giuliana recently lost her baby at 10 weeks and when I saw that episode I remember crying and sobbing with her.
((HUGS)) to you.
I am so sorry. So so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
We are walking that grieving journey for the second time right now. We lost our second baby last week… I still remember and grieve losing my first baby. Those little lives become inextricably linked with ours from the moment we know they are there.