There she is on the front cover of our state paper, Miranda Kerr, strolling down the runway, five months pregnant, looking radiant. And why wouldn’t she. The world is her oyster, she has so much to look forward to. I hope she loves mothering as much as I do. I wish her all the best. And yet, this picture makes my heart ache.
Or Princess Mary, smiling serenely at me from the cover of a magazine. Glowing with twins growing in her belly. She already has two beautiful children. We are the same age. The grief gripped me like a vice, the tears flow and I try hard to stay on my feet and not to pass out as I stand at the checkout, waiting to pay for the pyjamas I need for hospital, knowing that my baby is soon to be born and never to take a breath. Why does life so often seem so unfair?
This current, insatiable media frenzy about celebrity pregnancies and births is overwhelming at times. Ten weeks ago I wondered, where are the stories of celebrities grieving with loss, with the pain of trying to conceive? It must happen. Why are we, the everyday women, only given half of the picture? The happy, joyful half.
And then today I saw it. The story of singer, Lily Allen’s baby loss during her sixth month of pregnancy. And my heart broke all over again. It does happen to everyone, celebrities included, and as sad as it is, we need to hear these stories of loss.
I knew my baby. He was a life. To me, he was a person. Obviously, a person that others did not have the opportunity to know, to meet, but still a person, a person I loved. When you lose someone you love, you grieve. Grief is a process which takes time. And you need the support of other to get through it.
You need to feel that it is okay to talk about what you are feeling, should you wish,
that it will not make others uncomfortable,
that it was ‘not for the best’ or ‘meant to be,’
that it is okay to be sad, or angry, or whatever it is you are feeling,
not just for a day, or for a week, or even a month,
but for how ever long it takes for you to adjust to the impact the loss will have on your life.
Every. Single. Day.
Tonight my thoughts are with Lily Allen and her family.
If you have lost a baby during pregnancy or shortly thereafter (or know of someone who has), and you are looking for a place of understanding and support, you may find my new blog, With Tears of Love, a small comfort. Invitations to contribute are ongoing and details on how to share your story can be found on the site.