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And I Cried.

We did it and survived.

Immy started kindy.

I cried. She was just fine.

Despite my self doubt (if only we could lose the mummy guilt!) and a few moments when I wondered if she would actually go through with it – in the lead up to the big day most of her issues seemed to revolve around the idea of a uniform, “But I want to go to a school where I can wear a pink dress and glass slippers, not these dumb brown sandals. I won’t wear them!” – she sailed forth through the classroom doors brimming with such self confidence that even the teacher remarked on it as we arrived.

And she loved it. And doesn’t want to have to wait five days to go back again!

And me. Well, I cried. Silent tears in the car on the way there. Glassy eyes as the teacher talked to the parents briefly about how hard it can be on us Mums (and Dads) as she farewelled us sans children. Sunglasses on as I made my way out of the classroom. And torrents of ugly tears on the drive home. I could blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Or a restless night filled with worry and little sleep. But really the only way I can even partially describe the moment for me is this – this small person has been my whole life for the past four years. And now there will be all of this time and space without her. And of course the time will be filled with other things, and before we know it, a new bub. But those moments will still be without HER.  She will be learning new things, her days filled with new experiences and new friends. Without me.

It’s going to take a little getting used to.

But at least I have the next five days. Even if they are filled with a new game that just this afternoon we have already played for (what seems like) hours.

“Come on Mum, let’s play schools.”

Did your child face a milestone as they headed off to school this week? How did you (and they) cope?

Christie Burnett is a teacher, presenter, writer and the mother of two. She created Childhood 101 as a place for teachers and parents to access engaging, high quality learning ideas.

Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:

  1. Caz says

    I sent my second off today - and I'm sorry to say it doesn't get easier. That's just a lie they tell you to make you feel better. I'm now a grade 2, grade prep and 3yo kinder mummy!! How the beep beep did that happen :)

  3. Kellie @ Three Li'l Princesses says

    We still have two weeks to go. It's kind of reassuring knowing I'm not alone as I read all the posts of mums going through it now. I actually thought I was going to be OK with her going off to school (she already does two full days at childcare a week), but after getting school books yesterday I started to feel very different. My little girl is growing up...

  4. Sarah says

    Yesterday my baby started Kindy too. She was fine. I was a mess! I now have that emptiness feeling - with all three in school, the house is very very quiet! Given time I am sure that I will embrace this quietness and the emptiness will go away. Just remember you are not alone in this journey. You will make wonderful friends and share the experience with other parents - those that are new to it all and those that have been there, done that :) Wishing you both a wonderful and exciting journey this year.

    • Christie Burnett says

      Thank you, Sarah. I imagine it must be such a huge change with three now in school! I look forward to getting to know the other parents, I imagine school can add a whole new dimension to family social life!

  6. Super Sarah says

    Amy has her first full day of school today and you know what, it was so much better than I was anticipating! I too had a mostly sleepless night last night, I tossed and turned and dreamt about lunch containers and sad goodbyes and the reality was very different thankfully. Amy was clearly nervous and a little sad at home, she kept saying she was going to miss me SO much but when she finally got into her classroom and sat down with some paper to draw, she visibly relaxed and happily kissed us goodbye and waved as we left. I had a little cry and the tears aren't far away now but we did it!

  7. Kirrily says

    My Lolly starts tomorrow. Five days a week. For EVER! Phew..... I'll join you in the ugly crying & sunglasses club. xx

  10. katepickle says

    You've got it wrong... you cried big fat BEAUTIFUL tears... love is never ugly! I think having kinder as 'apart' from school here helps ease the blow a little. My big boy did one afternoon a week last year, will do 3 not quite full days this year , and then be off to 'big school' next year. And I got an extra year to get used to the idea of the girls going.... but it was still hard.... it's supposed to be hard.

  13. Amy says

    Oh Christie, I totally get it! My 3 1/2 year old starts kinder on Monday and I fluctuate being excited for him, looking forward to time one on one with 16 month old and "please don't leave me" hysteria!!!! I am hoping that once his first day is done and I've had a good cry (after I've dropped him off!) that I will get used to it. I really think he will love it so I am not worried about him, but I am slightly anxious about the new things he'll be exposed to like gender stereotypes and other kids cheeky habits (he has plenty of his own for me to deal with already!!!) But the people, the creative outlets, the outside space and learning to co-exist are the parts that make me know I'm doing the right thing. Well done to you getting through your gorgeous girl's first day! Pregnancy hormones and all!! Very impressive! I hope Immy loves each day there and that you get to hear all of her stories at the end of each day. xo

    • Christie Burnett says

      I am sure that she will love it and I am happy for her but like you I am aware how the influence of others becomes such a big factor once they start school. All we can do is hope we have laid a good foundation and keep the lines of communication open to help them be discerning and to question and examine any beliefs, attitudes or behaviours that are different to the what they already know.

  15. Bron says

    It's a shame she couldn't wear a pink dress and glass slippers! Glad she went Ok and you will be fine...we have all come through pretty well xxxx

  16. Lisa Jay says

    I will be facing it on Monday, when my eldest starts big school for the first time. I will post my feelings on my blog that day. I am excited for her, but at the same time I have this slideshow running through my mind of the past 5 years of her being at home with me & I really don't want that chapter to over if I am honest.

  18. Maddmum says

    Well done Mum! It's a hard thing to do. Today I dropped my youngest at school and had my first whole day to fill. I sat drinking coffee on the foreshore and looking longingly at the mums and kids playing. It's hard when a chapter is over in your life. I guess I should be happy looking forward, but it is sad for a little while.

  19. jeanne says

    Christie - I am a couple days late with this reply as I somehow didn't see this post of yours... :) So lovely, so touching, so absolutely real life. I could write so much here from the point of view of an early childhood educator (as you are/were) ... that ECE teachers do feel the pull, the velcro, the worry, the doubt, the anxiety, the pride of all the parents on the first days of school as they heroically share their child with the school. A smile comes over my face thinking about how - as teachers - it takes about one week for us to feel like the class group we are joined with THIS year feels like the group we have been with forever. The children make such a joyful impact on the life of a classroom and teacher very very very quickly. We know the family is always the first, best teacher for their child :)

  20. Jackie says

    I have to wait until fall but hopefully I can remember the sunglasses!! I hope it is getting easier each day. I'm sure it is wonderful to see her grow up, yet hard to see her grow up!

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