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Mum 2 Mum: Choosing a School…When It Doesn’t Work Out Quite How You’ve Planned

Last week I tweeted and shared on Facebook;

“Going to school today for kindy parent information morning. I don’t think I am ready!!!”

In Western Australia, children who turn 4 by June 30th have the option to start part-time kindergarten. The class (and associated playground) is separate to but based within the larger primary school setting, and 4 year old kindy is not compulsory but most children attend. We have had Immy’s name down at a local private school since we moved into the area (when she was just over 2 years of age) but it had very limited spaces available and we were unsuccessful in gaining one so we decided that the local primary school was the next best option. It is walking distance from home and I had heard positive things about it through the grapevine.

So last week Immy and I headed off, her excited and me cautious, to attend the kindy information morning.

Unfortunately I was exceedingly underwhelmed.

I won’t go into details but I walked away from the meeting wondering if this really is the best start we can provide our daughter. As an early childhood teacher and a mother, I believe that a positive start to schooling is so important to learning and has the potential to impact the entire future of a child’s schooling life. As an early childhood teacher, I wonder if I am being too sensitive because this is MY child’s future being considered. But I know I was not the only mother to walk away from that meeting disappointed and questioning.

So right now we are considering our options. Where we live, you can pretty much only attend a public school if you live in its catchment area, so this public school is our only government option.  There are other private schools but none of them are within our suburb and so that means no walking to school or being part of the immediate school community, instead we face a 15-20 minute drive each way, twice a day. Not perfect or what we had planned but certainly doable.

I guess it all comes back to what is most important to you as a parent when it comes to choosing a school? And how much success at school comes down to administration, resources and philosophy versus the characteristics of the individual teacher and child?

We have a lot to think about. And fast!

Have you ever had to do a back flip when it comes to your child’s education or care? What factors most strongly influenced your decision making?

What is Mum 2 Mum? Mum 2 Mum is a place where as online friends we can share a little of our own experiences, so why not pop in for a cuppa and join the conversation.

 

{Image source}

Christie Burnett is an early childhood teacher, presenter, writer and the editor of Childhood 101. More importantly, she is a Mum who believes wholeheartedly in the value of children learning through play, the importance of quality early education, and the togetherness of family.

Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:

  1. Seraphimsp says

    I'm sorry the meeting was so disappointing Christie. What I would say is that we do drive our kids to school about 10-15 minutes away and it is well worth it for us. From the very first meeting I have loved the school and so have our kids. And you may be surprised at how many people living near you will be attending the same school. I know it isn't what you had planned but it's far better you act now rather than wait I guess.

  2. AnecdotalAnna says

    Sorry to hear it didn't go as planned. School will be such an important part of your family life for many years to come, you have to be comfortable with the fit. I hope a suitable option presents itself soon. We went with the longer drive to a school we were happy with, no regrets.

  3. SquiggleMum says

    Bummer. But... you are Immy's mama, you know her strengths and weaknesses, you know her needs, you know your instincts as both a mother and an educator are good, and you will make the right decision for your girl. xx

  4. Karita says

    We are faced with a similar problem and keep going around and around in circles with our decision. It's hard when you keep thinking that the fate of your children could rest on this choice!

  5. jenny @ let the children play says

    Sometimes Christie I think it is harder to choose a school when you are a teacher yourself because you are so concious of what you believe is important in a kindy / school and it can be hard to find. We did a back flip - several in fact. We were on the waitlist at a private school but couldn't get in until Year 4. I trolled all the public schools in our area and came away teary because they all seemed too institutionalised and focused on results. Then we found a small progressive school - very early childhood in philosophy - and all felt right at home. Now I can't imagine them having gone to private school! I hope you find the right fit for Immy and your family :)

    • Christie Burnett says

      I wish we had more alternative options in our local area, unfortunately that is not the case. We are now pursuing an opportunity with one of the private schools a few suburbs away and I have been impressed with all of our interactions with them so far. Fingers crossed we find a good fit :)

  6. Amanda says

    Which school was the biggest point of contention for us. In some ways it still is and I would prefer a private school. The school Kez goes to, even though the area has a reputation, is quite good though and she has had a brilliant teacher this year!

  7. nicole says

    My little one is heading off to 4 year old kinder next year and it was so nice to hear at her info night that it is purely play based. we are looking at primary schools at the moment. And to be honest I have no idea at what I am supposed to be looking for. I guess ill just go with my gut. The bigger stress for me is choosing a highschool Havana. This parenting job is hard work!!!!

  8. Kate says

    I found choosing a school so hard! Not for lack of choice though - where we used to live we had the option of a lot of primary schools. The one we ended up choosing was the local Catholic school that I had written off due to its location, but when I went and had a look (just to satisfy myself that I had looked at every school around) I found that it just felt *right*. The staff were lovely, the principal was wonderful, the children seemed happy and the classrooms had a great vibe. Then we moved. This time we automatically looked at the local Catholic school and wrote off the much larger public school. We ended up sending our son to the big public school. Again it had a better vibe. The little Catholic school also had a bad vibe, which I have since heard from other parents that people are leaving due to the principal (I think if the person at the top is not up to scratch, then it stems from them. I'd be interested to hear if this is the case from the teachers on here!). Then we moved again (we swear it's the last time!!). This time we had the choice of leaving our son at the larger public school or moving him to a much smaller public school within walking distance. We moved him. He loves it, we love it. Again, we got a great feel for the school. He has now been to three schools and he's only in grade 1! I think the vibe you get from a school is so important. My advice would be to trust your gut instinct. Best of luck!

  9. Melissa @imaginationsoup says

    I totally know what you mean, and have been in the same position myself. Unfortunately, more than once. We open enrolled (choice schools are an option in public education in Colorado) after researching & observing in classrooms at a nearby school for kinder. When the school went through 4 principals in a year, we decided to move from the city to the suburbs. The first year at the "good school" in a "good district" was awful but I figured it couldn't get any worse - that we'd tough it out. I don't know if you remember my story about my second daughter's worksheet-palooza in kindergarten and the resulting craziness? (Blogged about it, got threatened with a law suit, . . . ) We are now at a private school after deciding homeschool wasn't an option for my oldest daughter who needs socialization and someone teaching her that isn't me. So far we're very happy - low classes and well-researched teaching. But, it's $$$$!!! All I can tell you, Christy, is to trust that you are the only one who will advocate for your child. And, that not all schools stay "good" - it depends on the leadership and teachers. I wish it were easier and hope you find something that will be a better fit. Keep fighting for a good education!!!! Hugs, Melissa

  10. permanently amanda says

    Between the public, private and religions-affiliated schools we had about 10 to choose from in our suburb, none more than a 5 minute drive away. Honestly, we only looked at two schools, and I knew before I went there that the first school was where I wanted Miss 5 to go, meeting with the vice-principal and being shown the school just further reinforced that. The school we chose had more programs supporting kids with needs, whether they be academic (support and advancement), disability, and economic. The transition program we have attended has been fantastic, and when staff recognized Miss 5 and addressed her by name after less than a term of attending 1.5 hours a week, I got a real sense of them caring about the kids at the school. I really think schools are a "go with your gut" situation. If it doesn't feel right then definitely change.

  11. Kathy says

    Toughie :-( I was very lucky - the closest public primary, which is walking distance, is a lovely small school with a Stephanie Alexander Kitchen Garden program, and it was our first choice, one we've never regretted. It's not perfect - there is no music program at the school, for instance, nor second language taught - but overall it's a good fot for our girls.

    • Christie Burnett says

      I am so glad you found a good fit for your family, Kathy. We are now looking at a private school a few suburbs away and I have been very reassured by our communication with them so far :)

  12. Marnee says

    I too unfortunately wasn't able to secure a spot for Master N for next year at my first preference pre-school and it has been a sad thing to accept. I aam happy enough with the place he is going to attend next year but with early childhood as my background I have higher than normal expectations and wants for his experience. School is the next step....I've been to all the local information sessions this year in prep for making the real decision next year. Will be reading along with others opinions to this struggle. Good luck

  13. Sam-O says

    My Little Man is starting Kindergarten in NSW in January and I was in the position of living on the boundary of three public schools and also on the boundary of the two Catholic schools. We also have a Montesorri primary school in our street. I had too much choice and it was excruciating, trying to decide. They all have benefits and weaknesses, but the overwhelming problem is that in this area they are all well above average for Sydney schools, how do you choose from a list with no obvious wrongs??? My husband stepped in and made a decision practically without me, the education professional. It freaked me out but now, 4 orientation sessions in and a couple of months out from the big start, I am very please with the choice (none of these schools, a private all boys school that I had not even considered) and thankful that things seem to have worked out well. One thing I do know from the experience is that I would not have felt the "love" if I had gone with a public school. I've realised that I need the community, I need to feel the facilities are good and most of all I needed a school with a similar philosphy to my own regarding raising boys. I dread to think where I'll be if I have a girl...

  14. Mel says

    I am seriously underwhelmed by my children's school. It's not bad, it's just that it could be so much more. My kids are brought up in an environment that is full of creativity & thought & the encouragement to question (respectfully) everything! It is disheartening to see this crushed from them in the school they're currently in. We've looked at all the alternatives & unfortunately, for us, money is an issue, so we're really stuck with the govt system, or homeschooling. We have looked quite seriously at homeschooling, but again, with money being an issue, the logistics of organising it (while we still manage to bring in an income) are confounding. I hope you can find a solution Christie, I know for us, it's actually an acute form of anxiety. We know it's not ideal, not even close, yet we feel hamstrung... what to do?? Best of luck!

    • Christie Burnett says

      What a difficult situation for you, Mel. I agree with you that the expense of private schools can be a real stretch, especially with more than one child to consider :( I really hope that a solution presents itself for your family soon. Thank goodness your children have you, your creativity and respect for their independent learning to guide them :)

  15. Marita says

    We are blessed with an abundance of choice in our area. The girls went to different kinders - and both suited their individual needs. They were also at different schools for a year which was a bit of a juggling act but again worked well for us in that year. I had my doubts about school during Annie's first year and was prepared to move her, a short drive wouldn't bother us to much and many families at local schools seem to travel from other suburbs to get to our schools - our train station is the last one you leave work in the city at 5pm and still make 6pm out of school hours care pick up, so families in suburbs further out drive in to our area to send kids to school here.

  16. sarah says

    Christie, this time last year we were in a very similar position. We'd always planned on going to the local government primary school - fantastic community, walking distance, beautiful physical environment, happy parents... but at the pre-kinder (orientation sessions) my alarm bells were ringing non stop with regards to the kinder teacher, who had a vibe of valuing conformity over creativity, and after a while I knew in my gut that this was not the school for Doots. The year earlier I'd put her name on a waiting list for a local independent school (not quite walking distance now, but will be by upper primary) and in the nick of time we were offered a place there. This school is expensive (for Hobart) but offers a lot - play oriented learning, the wonderful IB pyp curriculum, learning a language from kinder, lots of music and art, and a very strong culture of support, peace, simplicity and friendship (it is a Quaker school). It took a while for Doots to settle in (but this would have been the case anywhere!), but she is valued and supported and loves going now. I feel for you (and also for Mel, above). I don't think it's too much to ask for the early years of education to be wonderful - it is just such a shame that not every classroom is steered by an engaged, energetic and passionate teacher. It was certainly a shock for us. Best of luck with the hunt - you'll find the right place for Immy :)

  17. linzi says

    I usually lurk but this struck a chord with me. I had a similar issue with my son earlier this year. I had set my heart on sending my sin to kindergarten at a well known alternative school (not naming names) and from the outside it was all I wanted it to be- child centred, beautiful calm environment with wonderful wooden imagination inspiring toys. It was going to be difficult financially so I researched further to make sure it was the right choice. I found out the schools philosophy was founded on a very worrying idea about karma and past life wrong doings being responsible for problems in children. So we ran a mile. By this time there was only 1 term of preschool left before summer break and after that school started (reception year). I felt so bad, my son hadnt had enough time to prepare for school because I was taken in by the other school. But thankfully, the local primary school in our catchment is excellent, and I feel sad that I had shunned it before I found out about it because it was mainstream and I wanted to be alternative. My son enjoys it there, and I have learnt a lesson.

  18. Emily says

    Hi Christie I also have been a little underwhelmed by my daughter's Kindy year (also WA govt school). But, for me to be content with our choice, I have chosen to reframe my disappointment in a different way (mind you, it has taken me much of the year to get here..!) - I have had to learn not to strive to be the 'perfect' parent, and just be good enough. Maybe I need to recognise that this school will be good enough for my girl, even though it may not be just what I had imagined. And not as pretty and lovely as some of those fabulous kindies I used to visit at work. - We have benefited from the community focus - we have lovely new friendships with many new families who live in our area, whose houses we can walk to. We see them down the park and at the shops, and this sense of community has greatly enriched our lives. I missed this as a child going to a school that wasn't close by home. - The lack of 'art', 'music' and other creative programs and excursions have given me the motivation to search out those opportunities on the other three days that she is not at school. And we get to enjoy those things together, rather than hearing about it when she comes home and tells me about it! - As an early childhood professional, I am using it as an opportunity to influence the school from the inside, rather than as an inservice provider or as part of professional education. - Our school is an inner city area with lots of cultural and economic diversity. My girls will learn that they are very lucky and blessed to have access to the resources that they do, and that not everybody is as fortunate as they are. And not everyone looks like them, or talks like them, but they are all just as lovely on the inside as them. - And I have also recognised that we are SO lucky to have choice, and that our girls even GET an education, that maybe the kindy clutter and the seemingly haphazard planning and the piles of colouring in that come home maybe don't matter in the greater scheme of things. There's always private high school (which they're down for!!) I'm not trying to minimise your disappointment, but I think that maybe we have slightly unrealistic expectations of our children's schooling. My girl is loved by her teachers, feels safe and excited about going to school each day, and is beside herself about actually being allowed to go back again next year! She is progressing well academically, has made some lovely little friends, and I've gained a whole new social circle. And if she's happy and content, maybe that's all I can ask? Just a thought - best wishes for your deliberations!!

  19. Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com says

    I hear you Christie; I wrote about a similar thing for the natural parenting carnival about the one thing I would change if I could. It's heartbreaking to be giving our kids something 'second best' http://littlegreenblog.com/family-and-food/green-parenting/a-different-kind-of-life/

  20. Sarah says

    It is wonderful to see so many parents taking careful consideration of their children's future. The comments have been an informative read and I resonate with many of them. I have three children all in the same school, for now. We are aware that this may change over time as their education needs are going to differ, we are keeping our options open. What I have learnt so far is to have a good relationship with the school, teacher, principle/s and of course the families that form the community that you will become part of. Make the most of it. It's hard work and I wish you & Immy a happy schooling journey, whatever your head and heart choose to do.

  21. Jo @Countrylifeexperiment says

    We are so lucky to have options. We send our oldest to the local school, which is in walking distance. We love the sense of community, and even though not every teacher is amazing, they are all dedicated and professional. I was a little concerned about her teacher, so I volunteered to be a reading mum, and joined the P&C so I could be supportive, and see first hand how things were going. Despite me still not loving the teaching style, I can see that Hannah has thrived. She loves going to school, and is progressing very well. What more can I ask for really? Next year, Hannah will be going to a 2 teacher school in the village near our farm. We are lucky that it appears to be a good school because there really is no other viable option (40km bus trip each way for a 7 year old - I don't think so). Already I am concerned about secondary education options, but will look into that more as we go along. I would never claim to know what is best for another person's family, but I do agree with Emily, that we are lucky to have choices, but we sometimes forget this. Good luck with your decision!

  22. A Farmer's Wife says

    There was not much choice for us as there is only two local primary schools. In a way less choice has been good because we picked the one we thought was best and then tried to get involved to make it better. I have been thrilled with the overall experience and my son has been largely very happy and is doing well. There have been a few glitches and I was very impressed with how the school handled them. Good luck!

  23. Kristah says

    I think as teachers, we are extra critical. We know how important it is. In the town we live in there are literally no choices. One public school and one daycare and a couple of private schools that have difficult schedules. So I chose one that sounded right. Well, one month into the school year she was bringing home 4 worksheets a day and saying she didn't want to go to school anymore. So not what their handbook talked about. How is a worksheet you are only aloud to color one color age appropriate. And she got graded at age 3. Needless to say, I pulled her out and started my blog and a little mommy school for fun. Even for parents you are not teachers, options are limited. How can parents make the best choice?

  24. Denyse Whelan says

    Hi Christie, You are having the kind of not such a dream run that you wouldn't have wished for that's for sure. Being teachers & mothers, especially when it's the first school I agree it's hard. When the local is a suitable option, go for it. But the feeling of underwhelmed is not good. AT.ALL. It's said you can sense a vibe from a work environment, and schools definitely fit that bill too. Yet, a school that's not so encouraging or worthy of your support WILL change over time. Nothing is set in stone, in fact being quite organic, schools can wilt under leadership of one principal & make strides in school improvement. If it was me, and the travel to school was not onerous, consider an out of area placement. By the way, If your daughter is happy with the school over time, thrn you, dear mum will be too! Denyse

  25. Jacquie says

    Hi Christie, my youngest is about to start kindy next year as well (also in Perth). I'm mostly happy with the school my kids are at but certainly not all the time. Like you we are a bit stuck for choice too. They go to a private school about a 20 min drive away but all the other surrounding private schools are completely full with long waiting lists (as is ours), and the local public school where we are has a very bad reputation, so it would be hard for me to move them if I wanted to. So far they are all ok though & my oldest has dyslexia & he has been really well supported so it's been worth it for him. Also, I'm sure you already know this but you can send Immy to a public school out of your area as long as they aren't full & have places left. Anyway, good luck finding the right option for Immy & your family.

  26. Cath says

    I've been driving my son 1/2 hour each way, every day, to a private Reggio inspired pre-school this year - yes, it's been hard (not to mention ridiculously expensive), but it feels like possibly the best investment I will ever make. He has had the most wonderful play-based learning experience, and come out of the year brimming with anticipation and confidence about moving to "big school" next year. We are lucky to have had heaps of choices with local schools, and have been able to go with our instincts. We were planning to keep him at the private school for one more year, but luckily, we have found a local government school that we think is perfect for him - and my "gut" feels like it is definitely the right decision. We're aiming to get him back into the private school from Grade 5 right through secondary, as the local government secondary schools leave a lot to be desired. We'll see how we go. I will need to get some money rolling in...

  27. bubble936 says

    we are looking for a 4year old kinder in victoria for my son. lets see where we get a seat....

  28. rachel says

    My oldest son is born just after the cut off and so was going to have to wait longer to begin schooling even though he is a bright boy and was born ready to learn. we looked into 3yr old kindies (also in WA) and I was appalled by the one we visited and I just knew instantly that I couldn't send him there. I know other people whose children attend the same place and they are really happy there but I knew that it wasn't right for my son. We ended up in a Montessori school where he is very, very happy. We made the right choice for him. Now I have to worry about when to transfer him over to mainstream schooling... It's never ending! Good luck with finding the right fit for you and Immy.

    • rachel says

      Oh and we had the 15+ min drive each way too and it just kind of worked. My younger son spent most of his awake time doing school runs when he was a newborn! Now we live closer to the school and yet I still manage to be late for drop off or pick up or both some days!

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