Mum 2 Mum: Should We Be Able To Choose the Sex of Our Baby?

What is Mum 2 Mum? I have made many good friends online and often wish that I could sit down with them for a cuppa and chat like I do with my real life friends; other Mums with good advice, interesting stories to share, laughs to be had and experiences to learn from.  Mum 2 Mum is a place where as online friends we can share a little of our own experiences, so why not pop in for a cuppa and join the conversation.

I had no plan to post a Mum 2 Mum chat today but after seeing this article, Why our next child must be a daughter, from The Daily Telegraph online this morning, I have been left with all sorts of questions.  The following are excerpts from the article or you could pop over and read the whole piece and then come back as I would love to hear your thoughts;

Why our next child must be a daughter
A COUPLE who terminated twin boys conceived through IVF are fighting to choose the sex of their next child – because they want a girl. In a case that raises the ethical question of sex selection, the couple have taken their fight to the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal. They already have three sons and said they now want to have a girl after their baby daughter died.
An independent panel, known as the Patient Review Panel, rejected the couple’s bid to choose the gender of their next child using IVF. They now want that decision overturned. The tribunal, which ruled it has the power to review the earlier decision, will hear the case in March.
The couple said they had made the decision to terminate the twin boys but could not continue to have unlimited numbers of children.
If their bid to have a daughter fails, they said they would go to US so they can conceive a girl.

I can personally understand their grief following the loss of their baby girl but I cannot get my head around the idea of terminating a subsequent, healthy pregnancy because the baby (or in this case babies) is the wrong sex. Maybe it is just me, with our recent loss still so raw, but, it really makes me wonder, do we, as a society, really want to follow a path where parents can choose the gender of their unborn child?  With so many loving couples struggling to even conceive, it just seems ungrateful.

We don’t live in a perfect world.  We don’t have perfect Stepford families.  Doesn’t there come a point where we should just be thankful for the fact that we have been blessed with children.  That medical science has come to such a point where there are more opportunities for those who are reproductively challenged, that so many more babies who are born prematurely or with health problems can be saved.  Shouldn’t that be enough?


  1. I think it is rather sad for society to be going that way. I don’t know about you but i much prefer the suprise of what they are going to be. Our next one is what it is it’s not going to change anything except more from day born druming in stuff but thats ok because having one autistic boy we are more than prepared in what to do 😀

  2. That just blows my mind. I’m pro choice but would not choose to terminate a pregnancy myself simply because the gender of the child was not the gender of my choice. It makes me sad and angry, a child is a huge blessing, not something to be designed like some object.

  3. As the mother of two IVF children after years of losses and pain this latest news report does sadden me. I also can see how they would desperatley want a girl but am with you Christine in not understanding the termination of a healthy pregnancy. I try in my life to not judge other parents for their parenting or decision they make unless I myself am completely in their situation but as I’ve said it does sadden me.
    I really don’t think this should be the way society goes, we could find ourself in a very overly male or female society with children who can’t find partners in thier future.
    There is definatley a place for this technology but not for anyone and everyone.
    Children are a blessing whatever the sex.

  4. Nikki aka Widdle Shamrock says:

    Well, I have no qualms with being blunt. This is Neo Nazi-ism in a diffferent form.

    What next? Test for what? and if we don’t like it, terminate it ?

    I am a mother who has children who are not considered average kids by society. As hard and as challenging as it has been, I wouldn’t change it for the world. And if there was a ‘test’ and a choice, Pluh ease !!!!!

    I also have had fertility issues. every month was filled with hope.

    This angers me no end. Conditional love.

  5. I couldn’t believe what I was reading over my bircher museli this morning. It would set an alarming precedent if they were allowed to choose the sex in an IVF situation. This couple’s actions are obviously deeply rooted in grief which is really sad, but I can’t help but think that their actions now (terminating two healthy, male fetuses) will come to haunt them in the future when the desperate immediacy of their grief has subsided – in an “oh my god, what have we done?” moment.

    And what about the people who can’t have ANY babies?” It’s so, so unfair.

  6. Christine says:

    This is so sick, and yes I am sad for the couple and their loss, but it is so morally wrong. Have we lost our Judeo-Christian conscience to the extent that we believe the ends justify the means? It horrifies me that this couple so see their rights for a girl baby as not only their chance to use tax payer funded IVF services, but are so egocentric as to use their personal circumstances as leverage to justify the murder of two healthy male children. Let’s call a spade a spade. Sex selection means just that: the snuffing out of unwanted children. What is so ironical in all of this is the comment from the Australian IVF pioneer Gab Kovacs for his comments: “I can’t see how this could possibly harm anyone” and “Why should we make this illegal? Who is this going to harm if this couple have their desire fulfilled?
    Apparently he does not see the innocents being removed in a termination/selection as amounting to anything significant. God help us. We have already gone down the slippery slope of social engineering. Yes the neo-Nazis are here and thriving in the current politically correct environment. Good people need to stand up and be seen and heard.

  7. Sadly, this kind of decision, was inevitable once abortion was made legal.

  8. Margaret Elvis says:

    I just wish they could have gone ahead with the pregnancy and had the boys adopted by people who desperately want children regardless of their sex. I was adopted by two wonderful people who would possibly not had a child if I had been aborted because I shouldn’t have existed. No I don’t think anyone has the right to demand their IVF baby be a particular sex. They lost a baby girl and no matter how many daughters they may have in future not one of them will replace the child they lost. I a not religious but no this made me feel so terribly sad when I read the story.

  9. Oh this story broke my heart. As a mother of a five-month stillborn and two amazing children who aren’t biologically mine, it makes me so sad and angry and *sad*.

    It sounds as though they need intensive grief counseling surrounding the death of their daughter. I’ve been there. The time after the death of a child is dark and awful. However, the path that they have chosen seems to dishonor both their grief and the painful struggles of all those who have been denied the opp0rtunity to have healthy pregnancies.

  10. What I find completely outrageous is our society give you the right to take a life away but not allowed to create one. Before you scoff…this is probably how they will present their case and they are right. Morally its all wrong playing God and stuff…these people have issues and should definitely under therapy before continuing on with their quest even if they win their case. I personally don’t believe these people should be raising their children because they lack morality. With my last pregnancy I wished and wished for that little boy, I was given another girl. Oh how I love her so. So completely perfect…I would never trade her for anything! Selfish, selfish people, be grateful you were given life, there are so many people out there that make life and don’t care or those that can’t and can’t afford other options to be great parents. I’m very sorry for their loss but NOTHING will bring that back, I’m really not liking this at all…

  11. I was so thankful to find out I was pregnant. I would have loved whatever my baby was.

  12. I sort of wish I hadnt read that. How could they terminate two resumably healthy children just because they are the wrong sex!?? I agree, it just seems ungrateful. t x.

  13. handipeep says:

    wow. & to follow that profound statement… the timing of this post is so ironic b/c just this evening, snuggling in bed w/ our five year old son whom we adopted, asked me: “did you always want a son, mom?” and as I went on to explain that we had prayed to God for the child He selected for us, I was overjoyed when I heard the words ‘your son’ from our adoption agency. Because he has a cousin – who is a girl – who was adopted, and they specifically requested a girl, he asked me if we had done that. And I explained again that no, we had let that decision go to God, to find the child for us. He (our son) popped his sleepy little head up off his pillow and exclaimed: “‘cuz that’s how it works! God picks, even when you grow in your birth mother’s belly.” Which I thought was very well said. And I feel exactly the same way. I don’t like to think of casting stones, but this article does not sit well in my heart. I don’t sit in judgement of anyone requesting gender when adopting, or hoping and praying for one preferred gender over the other when pregnant, but selective sex just isn’t ‘how it works’ – in the words of my 5 year old.

  14. An Idle Dad says:

    When gender selection was legal in Australia (1999-2005) and somehow, society survived!), 60% of children born from the process were selected to be female. This is Australia, not China. “All the children will end up male” just isn’t supported by the facts. Even in this story, the couple WANT A GIRL.

    Secondly, it’s not a designer baby. It’s would be a completely normal baby. It would be classified as ‘a girl’. Look it up. It’s true.

    Third, this couple aren’t monsters, they are parents of four children, three living, who want a daughter to give their love to.

    So since so much judgement is being cast around here, let me cast some. They asked to select their next child’s gender. They were declined. Not doubt in your righteousness you offered advice like “accept your fate” or “simply adopt a girl” or “just be grateful, I have everything and you don’t but you should be happy about it”.

    Perhaps they should simply look into your blinding light of perfection and be content.

    They threw their hats in the ring, and for better or for worse, made a second, obviously very difficult decision to terminate a set of twins. One I personally don’t agree with.

    However, those who don’t support gender selection create the scenario where this can happen, and will happen, again and again. I don’t want to stand with those people. I’d rather parents have children, children they want.

  15. Terminating a pregnancy because the babies were the wrong sex feels wrong. Designing your baby feels wrong. I’ve been trying to find words to explain what I think is so wrong about it… in short, everything.

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