They lay beside me in the dark, taunting me, arguing with each other.
The first has been there for nine months now, filling my mind with swirling ‘What ifs?’ and my slumber with dark dreams.
:: Will everything be okay this time? Will I bring home a healthy baby?
:: It’s been so long, can I remember how to feed, soothe, bathe, settle a bub?
:: Will I have enough love for two children? How can I possibly love another as much as I do my first?
:: How different will it be this time with kindy routines and a four year old who also needs me?
:: I need to pack a bag. What do I pack? I can’t remember. What will I need?
:: This little one still isn’t even close to having a name, or even a shortlist of names. Let’s see…names…names…names…
:: And what about the blog and my work? There was that post I was going to write..and the emails to answer…and…
:: And the nursery, I haven’t finished the nursery! And I still have to choose a pram…and a carrier…and decide about the car capsule…why am I so immobilised… just make a decision!
The second has joined us since sleeping became more troublesome thanks to the big belly, aching hips, and swollen hands and feet.
She argues back
Just go to sleep.
Go to sleep.
You have to get some sleep.
There will be no sleep in the weeks to come you know. No napping like last time!
You really have to go to sleep…NOW!
They wrestle and tango and the jumble together as I stare into the darkness. And as fingers of wan sunlight creep through the blinds I eventually sleep. But now it is time to wake.