Learning to ignore the ‘I Want’
This post is by regular contributor Tricia Hogbin of Little Eco Footprints.
I want her to know that happiness is something she can create…
I worry that we are raising a generation of consumers. Today’s children are increasingly targeted by advertising and marketing. They are marketed to when walking down the street, watching television, on the internet, and even when at school.
I can understand why our children may think that all their needs can be met by a purchase.
But I want more for my daughter. I want her to know that happiness is something she can create. It’s not something she can buy.
I want to give her the opportunity to be so much more than a consumer. I want her to be defined by who she is, what she creates, and how she contributes. Not by how she spends her money.
Ignoring the ‘I want’, ‘I want’, ‘I want’
There’s numerous ways I’m trying to help my daughter be more than a consumer, like avoiding branded toys and encouraging outdoor and imaginary play, but my main focus recently has been on refusing to give in to each and every one of her requests for something. Some days I feel like all she says is ‘I want’, ‘I want’ and ‘I want’. I used to give in to these requests more often than not and she knew it. I appreciate now that by doing so I wasn’t doing her any favours.
I’m finally learning how to say no. Now, if there’s something she really wants, we save up for it or wait for a special occasion like a birthday. More often than not, that toy she really had to have is forgotten about, much like it would have been if we had bought it.
I’m helping her appreciate that if there’s something she really wants then it is worth waiting for. I know that by saying no I’m helping her learn how to create her own happiness and am teaching her that she doesn’t need ‘stuff’ to be happy.
Do you feel obliged to buy your child everything they want?
Great post by Tricia! I agree, agree, agree! I am particularly passionate about avoiding ‘branded’ toys and try to encourage this with all parents I work with. If you go into the major toy store chains, this is unfortunately all you can purchase. I enocurage seeking out the unique and quirky hand-made independently owned type stores wherever possible. I believe addiction to ‘brands’ starts very young through the likes of Dora, Ben 10, Thomas and Barbie, and in teenage years it moves on to Roxy, Billabong, Rip curl, I-phone, I-pad… etc.etc. The addiction leads to an aversion towards anything generic. In the teenage years, their entire identity can be linked to how many branded items they are wearing or carrying! Shocking! Unfortunately, peer group pressure and the advertising industry are powerful opponents. Then of course we arrive at the adult style consumerism that we are currently experiencing. A product of the affluent society. Because ‘we can’ afford to buy it, doesn’t mean we ‘need’ to or should.
In the words of Dr Suess, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it’s not”. And change can start as simply as ignoring the ‘Want’ from your own child.
Thanks Tricia, I must share this!
I completely agree with Tricia. I really feel it is really necessary to NOT buy things just for the sake of it. This in excess teaches the association of happiness to materialistic acquisition. Of course this is all within reason – because when my son has worked hard to save for something (materialistic) I know he isn’t just enjoying the purchase (extrinsic), but the self-satisfaction of how he has been able to achieve it (intrinsic).
I am not averse to branded toys as such, because the mindset of setting a goal and achieving it, is the main focus. Of course, if he wanted the “WHOLE SET” he would have to work SO much harder, and perhaps that will mean he either makes the choice to do so or to choose what he values the most!
Lego is a huge hit in our house, I am sure we have more than Legoland – but every piece is loved and respected, and never taken for granted.
I like your post so much! You are so right! I don’t oppose brand toys either only their marketing techniques! I am 26 years old and when I was growing up I remember waiting for special occasions like Christmas, Easter or my birthday to get the toy I wanted and I still remember my joy when
I like your post so much! You are so right! I don’t oppose brand toys either only their marketing techniques! I am 26 years old and when I was growing up I remember waiting for special occasions like Christmas, Easter or my birthday to get the toy I wanted and I still remember my joy when I got it because I was special! Nowadays kids are so consuming that they don’t get to feel that and it isn’t good. Of course it is our fault because we are consuming so much and we teach them to be this way.
I am a Grandma encharged of a four year old girl. I worry about the toys thing because really I feel it is ME who also wants the things. I have worked 31 years as a preschool teacher and Love, Love, toys and books…we use them here and at school!
Is it very harmful to have much, are they concius of this? My grandaughter has not idea of the use of money and must of the time she asks for small things…
thank you for your time.
Laura Oreamuno E.
San Jose,Costa Rica.
Central America.
Great post. My Miss 3 and Miss 4 get toys for birthdays and Christmas only. Given that we have a birthday in July, one in October, and then Christmas in December (where I try to sneak away some of the new things after a couple of days and keep them till about March/April and bring them out and they’re still brand new) they get plenty!! We go to the shops and they know they aren’t going to get anything, but sometimes we look. So if anyone is ever in the shops and hears “Can I have this one for my birthday?” about 50 times in a row, that’s my girls! I love wooden and traditional toys, and try to buy things from specialty toy stores (we are lucky to have one nearby, but I also buy online) as gifts for others rather than from the big chain stores. That said, we do have a lot of branded toys (many courtesy of my SIL) and my Miss 4 especially just looooves her Barbies.
I think a lot of us are feeling this way as parents. I’m trying really hard too.
Great post, something that all children go through and we need to stay strong and say no!
So very glad I read this post tonight. This is my biggest prayer for my children – that they can learn to be happy in who they are and what they do for others, instead of what they can “consume” or “buy”. Sometimes it’s hard for children, especially if they have a close friend who seems to “have” so much more than they do… to see the value in themselves and what they can accomplish is sometimes a hard task.
This was a wonderful post!
Very well put! I love the part about how the toy had been forgotten just like it would have been if it had actually been bought. So true!
Thank you for this post. I feel like so much focus is on the “stuff” my son gets every time we go anywhere. Go to a ball game, get a bobble head. Go to story time at the Y and get a water bottle. You literally can’t go anywhere without people just handing you cheap stuff made in China, that’s just going to fill closets, shelves, every spare space, and ultimately, the land fills. And it’s all so ugly and stupid. And DH is also very enamoured of it. Look at this cool thing we got! It makes me want to scream. And I’m really worried about my son’s ability to appreciate the experiences of life if they don’t come with some token “to remember them by”.
A great Post. I feel this way too. We didn’t have many “I wants” until the end of last year when my miss 5 started watching ‘the fairies’ on a commercial channel for the first time (it had been all ABC for kids before then). She saw the ads for all sorts of things & has been forming a list of ‘Brand name I wants’ ever since.
The “I want” has been a new challenge for us, we had no TV and so had limited exposure but as my daughter has started school she has been more aware of brands ie Barbie and the likes. Staying away from the shops with her has helped and makes it easier not to spend for me too! This is a great post – I am just starting to try to teach about the value of money and making wise choices in what we purchase.
totally agree with everything you said tricia. i gave in to my teenage daughters far too easy when they were young and they just always seemed to want more and more and didn’t ever seem satisfied by what they had. with our little one we are avoiding media as much as we can, avoiding shops as much as we can and avoiding brands as well as trying not to have too much “stuff”. i realise it gets harder as they get older but if they have the grounding from the beginning hopefully it makes a difference.