This post is by regular contributor Kate Fairlie of Picklebums.
Once, long ago, I vowed to be the most ‘attachment parenting parent in the whole wide world!’
I had a degree in early childhood education. I’d read all the books and joined the forum. I was going to rock this parenting gig and get an A+ in the Official Crunchy Parents Test.
Then I actually had kids and I discovered a few hard hitting, home truths!
I wanted my babies to be born in a hospital, even though I strongly uphold a woman’s right to choose home birth…
My first babies (twins) were birthed with major medical intervention both, before, during and after their birth, even though I believe a gentle, natural birth is important…
Some of my babies had formula, despite the fact that I believe that ‘breast is best’…
I don’t really like co-sleeping, even though my toddler still sleeps next to me…
I love pushing my kids in the pram, even though I also enjoyed baby-wearing…
I chose to send my children to mainstream school, despite the fact that I believe home schooling is a valid choice…
My five year old can rank his favourite fast foods in order of preference, despite my goal to feed my family wholesome, healthy foods…
Sometimes I yell at my kids, even though positive guidance is important to me.
Even though I can’t tick all the AP boxes, even though all these less than text book crunchy things happen in our family, I still call myself an ‘attachment parent’ when I have to find a label, and, surprisingly, I am at peace with the parent I am.
Because when you get down to the nitty gritty, you realise that it is not about ticking boxes or striving to be more ‘crunchy’ than the next mum. It is not about keeping score or passing some imaginary AP test.
When you get down to it, you realise it is about your child, it is about your family, it is about you… and not anyone else. You realise it is about understanding and respecting children as humans. It is about striving to understand where our kids are coming from, remembering to respect their rights and most importantly to love them, always.
The list of AP Principles that once seemed like a magical test I had to pass to become a ‘good parent’, are now simply part of the tools I use to try to make the best choices I can, for my children, for my family and for myself. And I do that not because I want to be the most ‘attachment parenting parent in the whole wide world’… I do it because it feels right.’
How does your actual parenting differ from how you expected to parent?
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Kate Fairlie is an early childhood educator and Mum of four who lives on a small property, 'The Pickle Farm,' in 'almost rural' Victoria. Kate blogs about all kinds of crazy things - twins, gentle parenting, gardening, trying to be a little self sufficient, activities for kids, a recipe here and anything else that pops up in her crazy life!
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