{Image: First Week at Cow School by Andy Cutbill, illustrated by Russell Ayto}
And all the cow mothers were sad that their babies were starting school 🙁 This will be me in a fortnight I am quite sure! While Immy is giving me every indication that she will be just fine, she has never been to child care or any form of group care before so I thought now was a good time to revisit some of the strategies for easing separation anxiety (for the kids not the mamas!) from my teaching days. These ideas should be useful for any child dealing with separation, whether they are starting school or some form of child care.
12 Tips for Easing Separation Anxiety
1. Take advantage of orientation sessions offered by the school or child care centre and (where suitable) of any initial shorter sessions. Both of these options will provide your child with the opportunity to become more familiar with the physical space, staff, routines and other children. It will also provide children who have not previously been in any form of care to become used to the idea that you will come back to collect them.
2. Acknowledge your own level of anxiety privately and model a sense of confidence and calm to your child. Children are very perceptive and will sense how you feel.
3. Children will generally be less fearful when they know what to expect. In the week or so leading up to starting, casually talk to your child about;
- what he/she will be doing during their time at kindy,
- the teachers,
- the other children,
- their uniform, lunch box and school bag.
4. Read picture books about starting school together (I will be sharing some of my favourites later this week) and take your child shopping for a new backpack or lunch box, as these types of interactions will help to create positive associations with going to school and a bridge between home and school.
5. If your child expresses fears or concerns about particular parts of the transition, talk through some practical solutions so that they feel more equipped for dealing with their concern (this is really for preschoolers and older children). For example, Immy and I have been talking through simple strategies for negotiating social situations, like asking the other child if she can have a turn when they are finished with a toy. I have helped her by modelling the words to say, “Can you please pass it to me to have a turn when you are finished?,” and by role playing (as appropriate) when the two of us are playing together.
6. Be organised and allow time so you can start the day calmly.
7. Allow your child to take a small family photo to school with them. Or let them pick something special from your handbag to keep with them for the day. If you are familiar with the picture book The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, you might like to make your own kissing hands necklace as described over at No Time For Flash Cards.
8. When it comes to drop off time;
- Take advantage of the opportunity (if it is offered) to go into the classroom to settle your child to an activity.
- When it is time to go, do not tell your child that you are leaving and then hang around as this has the potential to prolong the period of anxiety for your child.
- Resist the urge to sneak away without saying goodbye.
- Say goodbye and tell your child in a non-clock way when you will be back to pick him/her up (after you’ve had lunch/after rest time).
- If your child is upset, leave them with a staff member who will be trained in a myriad of techniques for supporting them through their anxiety once you are gone.
- Resist the urge to hover outside and peek through windows. If you are concerned (and it is appropriate), call the school or centre a short time later to ask if your child has settled.
9. Help your child to make connections with other children by inviting children that your child enjoys spending time with to play out-of-school hours.
10. For children experiencing tears and anxiety at drop off time, consider is it a general problem of anxiety at school or more the case of difficulty separating from Mum (or Dad)? If separation from one parent is the problem then consider making short term arrangements for the other parent to assume drop off responsibility. A short period with an alternative drop off person can work to break the anxiety cycle for some children.
11. Keep informed about classroom routines, events and happenings by reading any newsletters or other communication available. Use this information to talk to your child about the fun things they have been (or will be) doing in class.
12. Children need to attend regularly in order to have the opportunity to form the relationships necessary to help them overcome their separation anxiety. While it might seem easier to keep them home on occasion, this may also extend the amount of time a child takes to settle into the new environment.
Do you have any tips for easing separation anxiety to add to this list?
P.S.For those starting school or returning to school, don’t forget to enter the first of our school giveaways which will help you to get organised 🙂
Christie Burnett is a teacher, presenter, writer and the mother of two. She created Childhood 101 as a place for teachers and parents to access engaging, high quality learning ideas.
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