Mum 2 Mum: The Princess/Fairy Conundrum
Princesses and fairies have been a constant in our house for about six months now. The princess bit started when Immy watched (and fell in love with) the Disney movie, Tangled. The fairies came a little later when she watched part of a Tinkerbell movie at a friends house. And in the time since the princess/fairy invasion began more than a few items of Disney princess/fairy paraphernalia have moved into our home, including;
- A set of Rapunzel, Flynn Ryder and Maximus figurines
- A copy of Tangled on DVD
- A book and CD version of the Tangled story
- A set of Disney fairy figurines
- A Tinkerbell DVD of her own
- A story book containing three of the Tinkerbell stories
- A Tinkerbell colouring in book
- And, thanks to the generosity of a kind but misguided family member 😉 two Tinkerbell dresses which are currently on high rotation.
As for me, while I love nurturing my small girls interest and curiosity, I am still getting my head around how I feel about the whole Disney princess/fairy mass marketing approach and I must admit to wondering, how much is too much?
The bits I don’t mind so much…
- Most of Immy’s fairy or princess play is imaginary in nature. She makes up all sorts of stories and scenarios for re-enactment and hardly any of them feature the whole ‘rescued by a prince, get married and live happily every after‘ storyline. In fact, I think I would have only heard her even mention Rapunzel marrying Flynn Ryder less than a handful of times. Maybe this is because she has not watched any of the other Disney princess movies?
- Immy also brings a lot of other, non-Disney resources into her play – like adapting Schleich fairies and other figurines as characters and creating play scenes with loose materials as fairy gardens. She plays indoor and outdoors with her fairies and princesses and the play is varied and interesting.
- Our fairy and princess costumes are either homemade or non-branded and that has never bothered Immy. She still loves to dress up and play fairies, queens and princesses.
- The fact that we have been reading a lot of Enid Blyton of the Faraway Tree and Wishing Chair variety, introduces lots of other imaginary characters, such as pixies, brownies elves and enchanters, into her play, which I think provides a good balance to the commercial side of the whole Disney phenomenon.
- Immy is just as happy to read a story together or listen to an audio story as she is to watch the Disney movies so it is not all about screen time.
- Immy loves drawing fairies and we have seen a proliferation of drawing and watercolour painting related to her interest.
- A fairy colouring book which Dad 101 bought her has interested Immy in colouring in for the first time and I have been amazed to see the development of fine motor control that has resulted.
- The Tinkerbell movie has led to some really interesting discussion about people being different and having individual talents, and recognising what each of us is good at and challenged by.
- Although she loves her princeses and fairies, Immy is still interested in a million and one other forms of play and creating.
The bits that I really dislike…
- I hate that virtually ANYTHING can be branded by Disney with either fairies or princesses. I have seen everything from boogie boards to yoghurt drinks and although Immy is great at accepting that she can’t have it all, it drives me to distraction everytime we walk through a supermarket or variety store.
- I think Disney’s princess and fairy merchandise is, for the main part, over priced and poorly made.
- How many fairies do you know that fly with their hands on their hips? And why do these figurines only sit with their legs spread wide – hardly ladylike in their inappropriate short skirts. Will Disney ever recognise that figurines can come in shapes and sizes other than those of Barbie-esque proportions?
So tell me, what are your experiences and how do you feel about your children playing with the likes of Disney and other commercially branded toys? I would love to hear your thoughts.
What is Mum 2 Mum? Mum 2 Mum is a place where as online friends we can share a little of our own experiences, so why not pop in for a cuppa and join the conversation.
Oh I am so there with you on the branding and mass marketing of all that surrounds Disney stuff. I also hate all the packaging that comes with it – it’s hard when lots of it is gifted , my daughter has the tinker bell DVD and a few little figurines but I have avoided anything else . It has helped that he preschool is into recycling so she understands why I prefer home made or 2 nd hand toys because it’s “better for the world” and is ok when I say no in shops. Also we don’t have tv just can play DVDs so less brand exposure. On the plus, like you it has stimulated lots of creative play and girls can do anything perceptions , because tinker bell is a pretty resourceful girl!
I also suffer from this conundrum. I hate HATE the way almost everything from yoghurt to underwear has a brand stamped on. I actively try to buy non branded clothes, but they often cost MORE than the branded ones (though I think that they are usually a better quality).
The women at my work really think that no childhood is complete without a trip to Disneyland, but to be honest I am soooo over the merchandising that I cannot imagine spending money to go there.
I am currently reading Cinderella ate my daughter by Peggy Orenstein that deals exactly with this topic. I have only just started it but it is very interesting looking at how this phenomenon started and research into gender play stereotypes. As for our experience, my 4 year old (and therefore also my 2 year old) LOVE fairies and princesses. It is not limited to Disney versions, but any fairies or princesses including Princess Kate! They love the rainbow fairy books, Magical Tales on channel nine and The Fairies, Harmony and Rhapsody. We have the costumes (cheap versions a friend got in Hong Kong and the girls don’t mind). We try to limit the merchandise but it does infiltrate. I think all things in moderation is the key. My children play for hours in the garden making fairy gardens and hiding from goblins, they ride bikes, play in the sand pit, love swimming and water play and will listen to stories for as long as anyone will read them! So I think it’s under control for now!
I agree with you, Jane, that moderation is key and that it is useful to introduce other fairies or princesses into the mix 🙂
My 7yo has been into disney princesses since she was 2.5/3 I have allowed her to get princess yogurt, soup, panties, dolls movies etc .. All Disney brand, I have also made her some outfits and read her the Brothers grimm stories. She is still independant and tom boy like because thats her. My momjimift wouldn’t buy me branded(the fun toys that my friends had) items when I was a child
I too have a little Immy who has been obsessed with fairies and princesses for about 6 months. It all started when daddy bought the tinkerbell dvd because it was on offer at the supermarket. I don’t think if knew what if was getting us into! I have bought her one disney princess doll which I prefer to barbies who in my opinion are too sexualised/skinny etc- a whole other debate. I’m happy with the whole fantasy world of fairies as long as we don’t end up with a house full of plastic rubbish! 🙂
Fairies are lots of fun 🙂 I think I mainly get frustrated with how many other unnecessary items are branded with the Disney images. It just invites children to want more and more ‘stuff!’
Christie my daughter is now 19 so I have moved away from the fairy play scene at home scenario. However, I do have great nieces and nephews whom I buy presents for, and I am just so sadden by a visit to the toy store these days. EVERYTHING, and I mean everything, is now branded! If you want a tea set, well, you can perhaps have yourself a ‘Dora the Explorer’ one, or a ‘Night Garden’ one. If you want Lego, WELL, it is also branded! Space characters are ‘Star Wars’ characters, Pirates are ‘Pirates of the Carribean’ etc… etc. Grrrrr!
My preschool children have been so drawn into these branded characters, by the ripe old age of 5, that some of them seem almost incapable of creating their own imaginary personas in play! Believe it or not, I had a child come to preschool a few days ago wearing a ‘Woody’ t-shirt, a ‘Spiderman’ hoody, ‘Buzz Light Year’ shorts and ‘Ben 10’ sneakers! No, I am not joking, he did!
With respect to parents purchasing toys for their young children in this current, ‘branded climate,’ I really feel for them, as unless they are able to go through an educational supplier, they really don’t have a lot of choice. Branded items are virtually all that is available to them.
With regard to the ‘… and they all lived happily ever after’… fairytale ending. I used to struggle with that with my daughter too. I was very concerned about the princess always being portrayed as ‘pretty’ but lacking in autonomy and what seemed like any capacity for independent thought. Therefore, requiring the intervention of a ‘handsome’ and much more ‘worldy’ prince to save her. Not quite the image of womanhood I wanted my daughter to aspire to. So, I deliberately added in some alternative narratives such as, “The Paper Bag Princess.” In this book, roles are reversed. The princess very cleverly outwits the dragon to save ‘Prince Ronald’, but Prince Ronald is not very appreciative of her efforts. Infact, he speaks quite rudely to her. So the princess decides that she really doesn’t want to marry Prince Ronald and she then lives happily ever after. “Princess Smarty Pant” is another great one with a similar tone.
But, perhaps we will see a change soon. I now that wooden toys and and natural play items are starting to have a real revival, and that can only be a good thing! 🙂
I really hope we are starting to see a move towards alternative toys and play things, and hope that these items become more mainstream so that parents can buy them without having to find alternative retailers or paying the prices of educational retailers.
I also appreciate your alternative princess ideas. I know The Paperbag Princess but hadn’t come across Princess Smarty Pants! 🙂
I agree with the branding of everything. Drives me crazy. Luckily my kids dont seem to be affected by it……….yet. My daughter (4) has shown little to no interest in barbies, princesses or fairies. Put a puppy, pony, hamster or mouse in front of her and it’s a different story. We have a stuffed animal issue at our house. 😀
I have three daughters and I’ve thought a lot about this issue too. When they were younger, I purposefully tried to stay away from all the princess clothes and things because I didn’t like the selfish and bossy behavior they promoted: “I wear the crown . Do what I say” type of stuff. But my daughters are majorly into sparkle and princesses anyway and as soon as my oldest daughter had walked down the toy aisle, she had picked a favorite princess, Ariel, and became obsessed with a mermaid costume for her birthday. We have yet to watch the movie all the way through because Ursula is too scary. But I did get her a mermaid costume.
I didn’t want to make a big deal of denying her something she liked, knowing she’d probably just want it more, so we limit our doses, and I try to steer them toward other things. We do preschool at home, so knowing they love sparkle, we did a whole unit on gemstones and rocks, which they loved. I’ve also bought them a real tea pot and they got to pour their own tea and we learned about princess manners. This year my oldest originally wanted mermaids for her birthday cake and then decided she only wanted real sea animals and wanted to learn about the ocean. Oh, and I buy them fancy dresses on the sale racks after Christmas and they get to dress like princesses all the time, which makes them very happy.
It sounds like you are taking a really well planned and thoughtful approach to the issue, LeAnna 🙂
Hmmm. I just brought my two year old boy a barbie doll. He was upset because the nappy wouldn’t come off the toy action man doll he had requested in the op-shop and I figured Barbie had the biggest wardrobe. (My sewing skills are non-existent) I think it’s good for him to play imaginatively with dolls and I would be more than happy if his Barbie ended up living happily ever after. (I am more afraid she will end up maimed and drowned!) He is presently very fond of her and calls her the ‘mummy doll’. I am not so worried about my little girl playing fairies and princesses too much (she’s only one so not into it) – I am more concerned with my little boy missing out on playing fairies and princesses!
Is any one else the same?
I love that you are encouraging your little ones to explore all sorts of play 🙂
I am with you. It is hard for me to approve of disney branded and main-stream products but all the same, you have to draw the line somewhere. I think for us, it’s limiting the amount of those types of toys she can have. She has one ariel doll, one tiny sleeping beauty doll and a few tinker fairies (very tiny, for her castle).
It was our intent to have her play with only natural toys (or waldorf etc) but then another family member purchased her a Disney Princesses umbrella and it was all over. My husband and I talked about it a lot, and we came to the conclusion that perhaps it doesn’t matter what she plays with (to some extent) but how she plays with it and how she views it. Because she still loves her wooden toys, imaginative play and going outside. That won’t change. So while we don’t want to control her to the point that she isn’t allowed to play with a princess doll, we watched her play and realized that we concerned ourselves too much about it, because it was clear that the doll wasn’t changing who she was or even really affecting her. As long as our house was filled with creativity, crafts and lots of special family time then a princess doll wasn’t going to really matter.
But that being said, we do limit the amount to just a few and we check out non-disney fairytales from the library too. I think it’s about being well-rounded and not overprocessed!
It sounds like you have found a great balance, Heather 🙂
Oh no, Barbie maimed and drowned! Meh, I’ve always thought that she really does need to ‘tuffen’ up! I can’t wait for mattel to bring out a “barbie versus wild” doll! Kirsty, I really think it is important for boys to be able to play with dolls too. Developing nuturing skills is just as important for little boys as it is for little girls. There is a poem floating around out there in ECE circles that suggests that we should be encouraged by boys cuddling dolls as they are probably going to be fathers one day. So lets hope your little fellow moves beyond maiming and drowning! ;/
I also tried to stay away from the princesses because I was afraid my daughter would feel life would turn out perfect if you were like they were in the movies, but before ever seeing a movie dress up was the greatest form of play. She has never liked the princes in the movies and to this day her favorite princess is Ariel and we have never seen the movie. Now that she is getting older, I am going to try to focus on the positive aspects these movies portray. Like dreaming, hoping, loving, etc. I do not like how the Disney corporation is making lots of money off our children’s dreams, but I do want my child to make some of the same happy memories I had as a child. We will be visiting Disney World this summer.
I totally agree with the comments about being well-rounded and not worrying ourselves to much over it! I think that for the most part, as long as we are incorporating educational toys, games, dolls, pretend, art, going outdoors etc… Disney Princesses, Tinkerbell, and yes, even Dora, are fine! Every child is gong to be “exposed” to them soon enough. They also grow out of it!
Children always have at least one character or theme they are obsessed with at early ages, whether it is princesses, Cars, puppies, a best friend. They find a “favorite” something or someone and hang on to that for quite a while! I’ve seen it in every child I’ve known.
The princesses, Tinkerbell, Dora etc…Guess what? Bad things “happen” to them…and they overcome. Through it they stay happy, bright, nice and friendly “people”…of course our children want to be around that…who doesn’t? Maybe we should try to be more like that… (mark that I did NOT say we all need to be skinny with fancy hair).
To each his own. To me…Disney is fine.
I like the thought of more happy, bright, nice and friendly influences in the world, Laura 🙂
Yep – I finished reading Cinderella Ate my Daughter too, and it had some pretty interesting things to say. The thing that really upset me was that before my kids watched their first disney movie (Toy Story, about 18 months ago), they never asked for the yoghurts/biscuits/random cheap (and not so) plastic toys covered in disney characters. But as soon as they had learnt some character names, then they suddenly had a vocabulary in which to ask for these things. They have now figured out that it’s nice to LOOK at a lot of thigns at the shops, but Mum is quite unlikely to buy anything with tinkerbell/barbie/cinderella/buzz lightyear on them. Makes me mad though, so I try to boycot most disney things now, as I’m sure that they haven’t put their characters on unhealthy snacks for my children’s benefit!
It really is the excessive amounts of branded ‘stuff’ that bothers me the most, Emily.
Such a hot topic Christie.
My little girl has just turned 2. So far we’ve succeed in sheilding her from any of the Disney branding (or any branding for that matter) but I’m not naive enough to think that it will continue indefinitely. We’ll hold out until she starts asking for it, then do things on a case by case basis. I don’t see that there is anything wrong with watching a princess movie or two, the problem is that it’s all invasive. The marketing is so strong that once your child is interested in a certain character you can’t avoid it, it’s on every product you can think of 🙁
Sing it, sister! So nice to hear someone saying these things. Disney is so sickeningly entrenched in everything. I thank my lucky stars that I have two boys completely uninterested in princesses or fairies, but I do pine a bit for dollshouse play…
(the evil overlord in our house is Thomas & Friends btw)
Well my almost 3 year old son has some branded items – although I’ve tried to steer clear of them (unless I’m shamelessly using them to encourage him to try a new foods) – and couldn’t really care less. In fact he doesn’t really like his Wiggles bed sheets – somehow in his imagination there’s the tv Wiggles who are ‘just persons’ and bad bitey wiggles that take children from their bed at night…hmm
Two things that I dislike about Disney:
1) their interpretation of a book or tale becomes ‘canon’ in children’s minds rather than the original. I cannot bear 101 Dalmatians because I loved, loved the books as a child, and the Little Mermaid died dammit!
2) what’s with the cocky, arms-crossed pose that’s on the cover of so many cartoon movie covers/posters? who does that in real life, really?
We love fairies and princesses here, but we also love superhero’s and Scooby Doo.
I get frustrated with the amount of branded merchandise, no I do NOT want Shrek Monopoly, Disney Princess Snakes and Ladders, I just want a boardgame without any advertising.
The Barbie/Princess/Fairy issue was a major factor in not wanting a daughter… boys do seem to have cooler toys, and for a large part, are easier to avoid the whole branding stuff. Trucks are awesome and not all Lego is branded!
I have discovered that it is possible to limit the amount of branded toys a kid is exposed to, but it IS hard work, especially when you hit preschool age. We chose a few brands we “believed in” to avoid having the Munchkin feeling left out, but tried wherever possible to choose toys etc that were unbranded. Gifts are always an issue!
It’s such a big issue… we need to continue to support independent toy stores and designers to “round out” the commercial stuff – which yes, is usually cheaper, but could infiltrate our whole culture. I can’t say I could ever go fully Waldorf in toy choice, but I can see there is a lot of benefit in moving in that direction if we wish to preserve kids’ imaginations beyond the stories that are packed up for us by Disney et al.
I agree that it is important to support independent toy stores, unfortunately in many areas they are few and far between. Part of the reason that I love the powers of the internet…now, if only Australia Post charges were not so exxy, especially for wooden toys!
I’m really lucky I have a great independent toy store 5 minutes away from home, so we go there as much as feasible for gifts and party goodies. Of course, I also spend a bit of my time haunting toy stores looking for suitable stockists 😉 I agree it is a shame postage is so expensive. Internet shopping for toys is a fab way to go.
I don’t have a problem with imaginative playing of fairies and princesses. The Disney movies are ok. What I do have a problem with is the fact that I cannot buy an unbranded toy. I tried to get a hopper and could only get princesses or cars. Where was a plain pink or blue one???? I paid an extra $3 to get an unbranded raincoat. In themself the product aren’t bad (though they are often of poor quality), the bigger issue to me is the imprinting or brainwashing of my kids so that they will only accept stuff which has a certain brand, or wear a certain brand.
We have a thomas trainset and some videos, but I will not be buying Thomas clothing/towels/shoes/teasets. We have a my little pony, but once again I am not about to buy the teeshirts/doona cover/board game.
This is how I have (reluctantly) settled the issue in our family.
Nearly all of what you said is true in our house! It all seems innocent enough… but the branding is hideous! And as for the good old fairytales, well, it seems that we have most of them in about four different versions in various books and CDs, so I figure that that is helping them to understand the cultural relevance and fluidity of fairytales… We are all just doing our best in this one! grace
I know exactly how you feel.. I can’t stand branded products (Dora, Barbie, Tinkerbell etc.) and I try not to buy anything that it branded. It is usually always plastic rubbish that is terrible quality.
Tom thinks that I am slightly ridiculous by not letting her own a barbie doll or own a Dora backpack, and I am now beginning to relax a little and give in to some commercial products.. but it kills me a little inside 😉
Great discussion here! Well said Cath, it is important to support alternative toy stores/companies… the last think we need is for Disney to monopolise the toy industry!
We have the same issue with this in our house but in our house it’s Dora!!!! Until we lost our dog to cancer about 2mths ago she had never watched an episode even though shed been asking for it but due to our needing some quiet time to grieve we relented and it’s been a whirlwind since. I really don’t mind her watching the show but HATE the branding and that we can’t go into a shop with out her spotting something Dora. I try really hard not to buy her branded toys and clothes and can safely say other than a drink bottle and 2 plates we have not bought her anything branded. Anything she has that’s branded is from well meaning family and I really dont mind as I haven’t bought them. I can safely say she will never have a branded room as this I totally detest!!! Unbranded toys are out there you just have to search for them and at times may have to pay more for them.
Oh it’s all about Dora in our house too. I tried to keep branded stuff off the radar, at least for a few more years, but her grandma had other ideas. Sigh… we can’t sheid them from everything.
I am a mother of 1 son (15) and 4 daughters. I think that make believe takes little encouragement. I was very worried about my son playing with anything that resembled a weapon, then he watched an old version of peter pan. Before I knew it everything was a sword, and he was living the life of a pirate. In my humble opinion, we need to pick our battles. I have found it very simple to let family members far away know that a child likes a particular character. My 6 yr old just had a Tangled birthday party and she was so happy she lit up the room like sunshine. My children are all excellent readers, and score high in school. I think that I’ll spend my time worrying about something else, like boys… 😉
There is SO much here to discuss!!! I’ll try to be brief. I’ve never stopped using the early childhood Ed dgree I received from Lesley U in 1976. My classroom is Reggio inspired, on a college campus. I am the mother of two sons and a daughter, all adults now with enormous creativity.
The Disney/StarWars/etc. Inspired media was always a backdrop to my children’s play. And it was always expanded, amplified, modified, enhanced by their own creativity. But that was true also of any book series we were reading at any given time. Hobbits took us to MiddleEarth, Laura Ingalls Wilder to the prairie, Mr. Popper to the Antartic, Pooh & Piglet to the Hundred Acre Wood.
We were blessed with the resources to visit DisneyWorld 11 times throughout their childhood. We also hiked, beached, biked, skated, skiied, etc. for family outings. All have starred on sports teams and in theatre. Two are gifted musicians.
The key? Balance. Diversification. Moderation. Help your children know the difference between fantasy and reality.
But do not take away their play. They need it to find their way in the real world.
If you can–get hold of Bettleheim’s Uses of Enchantment. It will make sense of the role of fairy tale play for you.
And make sure that YOU are the real superhero of their lives. 🙂